I have been with my boyfriend Tom for two years now.
Now I’m not saying by any means that I’m a supermodel, but I have had comments from people that I’m fairly attractive. My dating history has consisted of men who I met on dating apps whom I was very, very attracted to but consistently ended up messing me around, “not wanting anything serious” etc etc. I’ve never really had a serious relationship because of this, just drawn out situationships where I hung onto men that didn’t treat me well.
Tom was very different from the start. I wasn’t particularly initially attracted to him, just thought he was fairly cute, but he was such a lonely guy who treated me really well. He was very, very vocal about his attraction to me from day 1. He was turned on on our first date, told me how nervous I made him and how I was very out of his league, constantly showered me in compliments about my appearance. Initially I found it quite desperate and unattractive but over time flattering to have a man that was so into me.
The lack of initial mad attraction to him, which had been my only real basis for dating men in the past, diminished into a non issue. He was caring, considerate and we got on better than anyone I’ve ever gotten on with. I was attracted to him just not to the level he was, we had a lot of chemistry in the bedroom and continued to fuck like rabbits and still do.
So it’s never been an issue for a long time, in fact I found it quite nice having someone so attracted to me. However, recently I’ve almost started to resent the fact that he has something I don’t. He is absolutely all over me, constantly aroused at little things and while it may be over the top, I just don’t get that same desire back and I almost feel like I’m missing out.
Also, he’s gotten comfortable in our relationship. He used to be very much in shape and a real gym bunny and his body was incredible. Since we started dating I think that fell to the wayside and he’s just not put any thought into his appearance. I wouldn’t say it’s a turn off per se but I’m almost feeling resentful of the fact that I don’t get to sleep with the hunky guy his exes did and he doesn’t really seem to care about that. He’s constantly pointing out how he’s put on weight and doesn’t really take care of himself as much but doesn’t really do much about it. I feel awful for thinking that and it’s not like I’m hitting the weights every day but it does feel like something I wish he’d wanted to continue. I haven’t stopped and thought, wow I’m less attracted to him now or anything but it’s just a little in the back of my mind, this odd jealousy of his past.
If I’m honest I don’t know where this feeling has come from. It’s been building over months. I don’t know what exactly it is I’m resentful over, it’s almost as if I’m jealous that he’s so attracted to me and I don’t have that. As if I’m somehow missing out. Our sex life is still great and we have sex daily but it’s not as much as it was, multiple times a day. I almost feel like it’s lacking the passion and insane sexual chemistry that I’ve maybe had in the past if only briefly. But perhaps this is a normal part of a long term relationship, when that spark is gone? I’m not sure what to think and worry about feeling like this.
tldr Boyfriend has always been incredibly attracted to me, constantly vocal about it. I am attracted to him but not to that level. Recently I’ve started feeling weirdly resentful of this and wishing I could feel the same, which isn’t nice at all.