Relazioni e amore

I (25M) can’t leave my girlfriend (26F). I’m trapped.

This is why it’s important to vet potential relationship prospects thoroughly, to avoid situations like this. Identify the red flags early. I know im gnna sound like a sadistic bastard but just leave her bro, wanting to support her is admirable but you gotta know what your are getting yourself into and do you wanna spend all this tile “fixing” her? I know it seems harsh but you got to act in your best interest and put yourself first. It’s absolutely in your right as well as anybody else’s to avoid partners with negative vibes around them. Remember this avoid the unhappy and the unlciky.

It’s hard to have a healthy relationship with someone who has mental health issues.

You need BOUNDARIES. If you need space, take it. Don’t ask her permission, tell her what you’re doing. Like “I’m going out with friends on Friday” or “I’m planning a few hours of alone time this evening”. Then do it. If she tries to invite herself along, its ok to say “I really wanted to be alone, sorry”.

If she guilt trips you by saying things like “oh but I’ll get lonely”, go anyway. If its a genuine suicidal crisis, of course stay with her and get her help, but generally … she’ll be fine on her own.

If you’re her only friend, that’s not your concern. If she wants more friends, she can make them. If she doesn’t, then she can just not have them. Her decision. (I know its more complex than that once you get depression involved, but ultimately it is NOT your responsibility to create a social life for her, its hers. If she needs help working out how, she has a therapist for that.)

In short, work out what you’re willing to give her or do for her. Anything beyond that, say NO. You will feel like a bad person because no one ever wants to say no to someone they love, but if you don’t look after yourself it will destroy you and then you won’t be able to help her OR yourself. It’s ok to say no to someone when they ask for something you can’t give them.

If she’s unhappy with what you can offer her, she is free to leave you. If you’re unhappy in the relationship even after you’ve tried to set boundaries, you are free to leave her too. You’re not her caretaker or her parent and the fact you care about her is a wonderful thing, but not something that means you have to babysit her forever.

What are these “insecurities?” It’s a pretty subjective thing.

…leave her, I’m not sure what you’re waiting for, it’s never going to get any better

You’re not trapped OP, I know it feels that way. I know it’s hard but you need to do what’s best for you right now and that might feel selfish but I promise you it’s not. I was in a relationship not as intense as yours (he had family but not a ton of friends) and actively turned down more friends because he just wanted to hang out with me and not get to know new people. We broke up for various reasons and I kept feeling so bad about it that I kept hooking up with him and we’d start hanging out again and the lines would get blurry and it would all start over again. He was my best friend and I didn’t want to hurt him but couldn’t see myself in a relationship with him anymore, y’know?

We broke up and he moved to another state. We stayed on good terms but didn’t hang out anymore and he had a new job and made new friends. He learned to cook and sew and went out to bars and went camping. It took him a couple years but he has a solid social life now and has a great balance of hobbies and work. We keep in touch and I visit him whenever I’m in his state. We both needed to break up to grow and that’s the situation you’re in too. She’ll never grow up or find true love if you stay with her out of pity. You’re not doing her any favors even though it’ll hurt like hell to break up and she might struggle for a while. It’ll be ok.