“Living together apart” is a term you should Google. It’s a growing trend. Otherwise, a new place you move into together is the only option that gives you the peace of mind that you need to move forward.
One day on the radio I heard about couples who didn’t live together where actually happier around 50-70 years old. So why not try living apart but being together. Explain to him that maybe you’re just not ready to make that step and that you’d rather wait a bit. It’s perfectly okay, to not want to move in with someone else, its a pretty big step.
Always better to both move into a new home that you build together, mutually. I’m very much like you, similar story, similar ages. I knew my husband was the one when we discussed moving in together. When I expressed how I felt, I realized how much I wanted our relationship to progress, but couldn’t bring myself to sell my condo. (he rented). He decided to sell practically everything he owns with the exception of his clothes, and we have both lived here together in the condo ever since. He’s a bigger person than I am, and I am forever grateful to have him in my life. If he wants to live with you, he can try to compromise, otherwise, yes, you would be giving up some of your independence to move in with him. The fact that he isn’t willing to meet you in the middle is concerning, and I would also be concerned with becoming trapped into a less than ideal living situation. Is this relationship one-sided in other ways you may not have noticed? Do you do his chores when at his over the weekend? If so, does he reciprocate? How even Is the distribution of emotional labor, otherwise?
Maybe consider asking him to buy a house together rather than moving into one of each other’s spaces. This way it will feel like you both have your space and not just living in someone’s home as a roommate.
Check out LAT – Living Apart, Together. It’s a growing phenomena and there’s some very accessible research on it.
I’m in a very similar situation to you, but different age. Main difference is my partner is not asking me to move in with him. We both enjoy our own time and don’t feel that living apart for half the week invalidates anything.
I’d suggest looking up LATs and having a chat about it.
Good luck!