Relazioni e amore

I told my husband: if my BIL doesn’t vaccinate his kids, they can’t play with ours… and now he’s offended

Evaguess ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

BIL [27] is a very nice guy and generally speaking pretty smart. BUT, he and my husband [25] grew up homeschooled and raised on some really interesting rhetoric that my husband has mostly grown out of. BIL, on the other hand, married a woman [21] who also believes same rhetoric which has reignited this fire, the most concerning of which is that her family (and by extension now BIL) believes vaccines are bad.

They don’t believe they cause autism but they’re extremely set on the fact that they should have absolute autonomy over their bodies and if the [liberal] government promotes something then it should without question be avoided. Enter: their argument against vaccines. They don’t want them because everyone is told to get them so there must be a conspiracy there.

My MIL also touts her skepticism of vaccines quite frequently but honestly she’s easier to handle than BIL. My husband idolizes his brother so when BIL says something, it really hits home.

We, my husband and I, are about to have a baby in 3 months. BIL and his wife have no kids yet but recently shared something on Facebook alleging that the Gates Foundation is promoting vaccines as a vehicle to control everyone… insert more conspiracy theory nonsense here. This prompted me to say something like “If they don’t vaccinate their kids, our kids are not allowed to play with them until they have all had every childhood vaccine they need”. My husband was really offended by this and said I was overreacting.

I understand that was pretty thoughtless and callous to phrase it that way but I take vaccines seriously. I don’t need my kids catching whooping cough because someone didn’t want to “bow to the liberal agenda”.

I really do love my in laws at the end of the day. They’re wonderful, kind hearted people but I think they’re seriously misinformed and also spreading misinformation to each other. How do I stress the importance of this to my husband without alienating him or making him feel like I’m calling his family crazy?

I would absolutely not let an unvaccinated child near a baby until that baby /child had got to an age where they had all their vaccinations. So I agree, they don’t get to bring polio over until then. Get some case studies on measles, polio, diphtheria, mumps in modern times, and keep the facts on your side. Also could get a medical practitioner to make a recommendation you can rely on. Children are maimed and die from these diseases, and it’s only through vaccines that this isn’t a daily occurrence any more. Don’t risk your baby being a 21st century case of an 19th century disease.

Honestly, I could go on and on about being pro vaccines.

However, I will only say this. You are entitled and allowed to have your opinion and parent in the way you see fit. You are simply stating a fact that you believe will keep your child safe.

The in laws are allowed to their own opinions as well. It doesn’t have to be about who is right or wrong in the opinion (even if we already know). Trying to force your opinion on someone else who already has all the information in front of them and still refuses to believe it is comparable to nailing jello to a wall. Pointless and frustrating.

This being said… this is your child. Your opinion is the only one that matters. Let others be offended. I am sure you would rather have some offended in laws and resentful husband than a child with measles. ?‍♀️

I don’t think you’re overacting at all. A lot of schools don’t register kids who don’t get vaccines.

When people choose not to vaccinate their kids, it’s not just that their kids can get sick, they can pass it on to other kids. Other kids who don’t have a strong enough immune system or are too young to even get the vaccine yet. A lot of these diseases can be fatal to young children but older children can recover.

They have their beliefs and you have your (correct) knowledge. In no way do you have to be mean about it. Just state as a fact that you will only let your children be around people who are fully vaccinated. Do it now, before it’s even an issue, and be firm on it from now on. Smile and be friendly every time it’s discussed, but simply restate your firm conviction. You’ll have to smile a lot, when you don’t feel like it, but don’t let anyone talk you into changing your mind. All of Science and History is on your side.

I agree with you. I recommend you find a good pediatrician and you and SO talk to him/her together.