My boyfriend committed suicide a couple days after I broke up with him *Trigger warning*

You did nothing wrong. You did what you could. He didn’t want to get better. That’s all there is to it. He cheated on you and you were right to leave him.

You honestly gave this relationship your best shot. The fact that it didn’t work out, is not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

Mixed emotions are also completely normal, so don’t agonize over them. Just means you’re human.

You can have all the feelings. Being in a relationship with someone who has mental illness and who treats you badly is hard. When you finally break up it can feel like a huge relief.

You can be angry because he was horrible to you. You can be sad because there were good times.

And if you were 100% over him by the time you broke up, you could feel nothing. Because you’ve cried all your tears already.

You aren’t wrong in any way.

1. Don’t be afraid to tell people a simplified version, and then insist you don’t want to talk about it. They don’t need to know the exact timeline of you breaking up and him committing suicide.

2. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. I haven’t been in your exactly situation, but I’ve been with people who refuse to help themselves. It fucked me up.

My first boyfriend did the exact thing you described, where he’d insist that his suicidal feelings were rational, and that he didn’t need treatment. Maybe he’s a good example, because both of his parents were literally therapists. He had all the resources and support a person could have. He’s okay now, and dealing with his shit, but he thought that way for probably a decade, and attempted suicide at least once. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do for someone, until they decide they want to change.

Edit: I guess I didn’t say this directly, but, my point is it’s fine if you don’t feel guilty – you shouldn’t. He fucked up. He wasn’t mature enough to understand his depression and the fact that he needed help, and he wasn’t mature enough to have an honest relationship with you. His depression and suicide are sad, but it also makes sense for you to be angry and frustrated.