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In fourth grade, I tried to ask someone something in the lunch room. They said loud enough for everyone to hear “sorry I don’t talk to ugly people” and I respond “well it appears I do.” utenti, what are your best comebacks?

Them: you suck.
Me: you swallow. Who’s the bitch now?

Not mine but my stepson’s in primary school.

A mean girl tried to bully him by saying “Your lunch tastes like shit.”

“How do you know what shit tastes like?”

“What are you looking at?” “Not much.”

Today I did a pretty good one. I went to replace a colleague and a client said something. My colleague said well he (me) should be angry he works with the best guy here. To which I replied: you are right (other colleague) is pretty rad.

There was a [true] rumour going around in secondary school that I was a lesbian and this girl kept pressing me to find out if I was. Literally every class I was in with her she’d just keep trying to force me to admit in front of the class that I was a lesbian (which I wasn’t ready to!), at first I’d profusely deny or just ignore her totally. It made me so embarrassed and it was getting to me as I was insecure and confused about myself back then.

One day she came up to me in the gym changing room to you know try and coerce my coming out once again. And I was just so tired of it by that point. I just asked in front of everyone, loud enough for them to hear: “Why are you so obsessed about what I like to do with my vagina? And why are you looking at me when I’m getting changed? Are YOU a lesbian?” She got mad as fuck but she never asked or acknowledged with me again.

Funny story: I spotted her on Tinder a few years ago when I still lived in my hometown. She was either trying to find out all that time after if I was, or she was…. you know. ?