Its a learned skill and it comes with age. I learnt by going to the gym. I was very self conscious at first, until i realised no one cared about what i was doing, how much i was lifting,what i was wearing or how much i was sweating. I was invisible. Anyone that did notice they are one in a hundred who care and they are probably a moron anyway. So it doesnt matter.
It wasn’t an overnight realization, but I started to love myself more when I realized that most of the pressure to get approval I put on myself. I’d constantly be mad and think, “You failed, you didn’t meet their expectations” even if it wasn’t true. However, once I realized that it’s ok to fall short or fail as long as you pick yourself up and keep going I began the climb towards true self confidence.
I tried to argue back every time someone commented on things like my body etc.
I also started thinking about me in a positive way. It also really helps to look at yourself with the eyes of another person.
I changed my friends too. Now I have friends that tell me when I did something wrong, but also tell me when I did something good and they support me, no matter what.
And I moved out from my parents.
And to be honest, I was really depressed and when I decided I don’t want to be depressed anymore, I changed my whole attitude. It’s a long way, but yeah. It seems to be worth it as I am in a completely different place and I’m really happy by now. But for me it’s an every day challenge. Sometimes I love myself and sometimes I still need approval from others.
When i was in 7th grade i used to do dumb shit to get the attention of the girls in my class, usually i got them to laugh, but one day what i said wasnt that funny aparently and one of the girls told me “doing stupid stuff doenst make you cool”. That really fucking hurt me at that time and i realised that it shouldnt be like that. I didnt want to be hurt from something like that. So i just stopped somehow.
I think it’s good to be likable but at some point, people will see that you’re just always agreeing with them or not adding more to the conversation. You’ll be much happier knowing you can have a solid stance on something and feel good about it.