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(Serious) utenti who grew up in abusive (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.) households, what is your story?

The sexual abuse started before I was old enough to talk about it and I kept it with me until I was in first grade. I was physically and mentally abused by the majority of my family; especially my immediate family. This went on until I was in my early twenties. I have recovered mostly from this although I struggle with dissociation.

The real kicker is that my uncle is a psychopath and I cannot get away from the memories that still haunt me. I can’t unsee the vile things he showed me. I can’t erase the disgusting shit he said. My therapist said he’s different than everyone else because while they really hurt me; he tormented me, and while they bruised my skin; he left hand prints on my soul. I have nightmares about him to this day. I’m afraid he could find me and I have no idea where he is. I made a post about him once and removed it because I didn’t want to risk the chance that he might see it. I often shake the memories from my head, as if they’ll fall out of my ears. His eyes would bug from his head and it felt like he was glaring right through you. He had complete control. There was no other choice but to listen to him. I don’t know if I will ever heal from the harm he caused. Thinking about it makes my stomach slosh with dread.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he would kill someone if he hasn’t already.

Grew up in a physically and emotionally abusive house hold my mum and dad would fight constantly my mother never loved him but had a kid to him so stayed with him had 3 other kids so she felt stuck with him ,he would bash her up anytime she did anything wrong when my mum was pregnant with my younger brother he punched her and pushed her over and she landed on her stomach , also watched him bash my mum my Nana I went into abit of detail in another post , he bashed my mum up until she ran off our driveway he followed her and bashed her till she fell into the bushes ( we lived in the bush ) he then came back down and started bashing my nan he ,she ran to her car to get away and he jumped and elbowed a hole through her windscreen and started strangling her he only stopped when she stopped moving ,I was the only one awake at this point and he started walking back I woke up my brother’s and he come in and started punching me in the face and my brothers and screaming you saved your brother’s if Yous weren’t awake I would’ve killed Yous he then passed out in the living room in his vomit , dealt with this our whole lives up until we were teenagers and there was 8 of us kids so he couldn’t punch mum anymore or we’d jump him

Step father drank a lot and threatened to kill us multiple times, one time chasing my mum and sister down the hall with a knife and another time telling us he’d break our necks if we ran downstairs and tried to escape the house; my mum abandoned the house a few hours before to go fuck off round her friends house after they had a fight. Dad asked me and my sister if everything was okay at that house and we downplayed it until now and he feels so bad that he didn’t know but we’re going to talk about it more when lockdown’s over. He’s ex military so he also used to demonstrate on me constantly how to “slit people’s throats” using his tobacco stained finger and I can still fucking feel it today.

I have extremely severe Harm-OCD which the doctors said the violence and abuse was the cause but my mum gaslights me and blames my harm-OCD on my current girlfriend for some fucking reason.

I was never touched or beaten but the mental scarring of all of that shit he did has fucked me up for life now.

My dad is an angry, angry man. That’s about it.

He’s alone now and coming to terms that he will die alone.

I learned what not to do as a husband and a dad. I’m not perfect but I’m doing better than he ever did. Thanks to my mom, I think I came out okay. I seem to have a lot less serious issues than my siblings.

His childhood was terrible and abusive as well, so I don’t “blame” him entirely for his behavior. That being said, I don’t want a relationship with him.

To acquaintances and strangers my dad seems like this hilarious, charming, intelligent guy. Lots of “oh man, your dad is hilarious / great / amazing hahahahaha lol”. I just go along with it.

In comparison to others I see here, I guess mine is not as bad.

My father was physically and emotionally abusive to us kids and, as I found out later, sexually abusive to my mother. My father was a high functioning alcoholic, had serious issues based around his sexuality and it led to numerous instances of adultery. My parents would argue almost every single night. Most of the time directly in front of my sister which usually led her to come sleep in my room. These arguments would usually entail my father degrading my mother and coming dangerously close to physical altercation. I spent many nights long after my siblings went to sleep waiting outside their door to break in should I hear the wrong thing.

My father had relationships with three other women while married to my mother that I know of. One of which we found out about while he was in the hospital from a stroke. He had been drinking excessively with medications he was expressly not to drink while taking in addition to drinking a lot of energy drinks. On Christmas Eve he had his stroke and was millimeters from death when he got to the hospital. His mistress had the audacity to call my mother while she was making decisions about his care to ask if he was okay. His parents when they found out she knew berated her for being upset.

To make matters worse he had very niche fetishes that were all too public in a small town. He would go out in very revealing drag outfits and this led to my sister getting bullied for years. He also chose to be featured in adult films of fetishes worse than this that he conveniently left out in the open for my mother to find. He had tried to get me into his fetishes multiple times.

When the marriage was finally ending, he came to me in tears asking me not to cut him out and that it was all a misunderstanding. I’ve since made it very clear he is not welcome in my life whatsoever. He obviously did not take this well and even had the audacity to be upset I didn’t inform him of or invite him to my own wedding. He has completely ruined myself and my relatives emotional health. My mother and sister both are diagnosed with PTSD and have been working to heal themselves. Someday I hope I have the strength to go myself.