I think it’s important to provide some background here. I (25F) inherited approximately 100K a couple years ago from the death of a beloved family member. While there were no hard stipulations on the money, it is generally understood that my family member left it to me to either purchase a house or go to school. I already have gone to school and have a four year degree and a masters degree so I am making some pretty good money.
I ended up leaving a long term relationship and meeting the man (29M) who I am currently dating. Pretty early on, we decided to move in together, so I took my money and used it as a down payment on my house (mortgage and title is all in my name although we split expenses 50-50). About 60K was put into the house as a down payment as one requirement of my mortgage was that I pay off my vehicle loan.
Fast forward 1 year and now boyfriend and I are considering moving across the country to start fresh and pursue our dream of opening a business. He seems to think that we should sell the house and I should take all of the money that I put into it (~60K) to pay off his credit card debt and vehicle loan. I don’t really feel right about doing this.
When we first moved in together we have a cohabitation agreement drafted so that the money I invested would be protected. The lawyer made absolutely certain to say that I shouldn’t pay any of his debts.
We are planning on living with my parents for a year to pay down debt and save some cash so we can make this move. He wants me to pay all of his debt down and then repay it back to me so that he doesn’t have to pay interest.
I can see where that would make sense but it doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to get screwed over. How can I best express my discomfort and unwillingness to risk the whole entirety of my savings by paying off his debt especially when I’ve received legal advice in the past saying not to do that?
tl;dr – boyfriend (29M) wants to use entirety of my (25F) savings (~60K which was invested in a house I purchased) to pay off his debt. He says he will pay it back, and wants to do this to reduce interest. I feel uncomfortable with this and don’t want to. How can I express this to him without ending my relationship?
Please DO NOT DO THIS.
You are entitled to that money as you inherited it and did what you saw fit. There is absolutely no reason for you to sell your home and pay off HIS debts. Do not let your love for him cloud your judgment here. No reasonable man (or person) would/should ask their partner to do something so ridiculous. Especially since you two are not married.
This is a huge red flag. I would not count on him paying you back, no matter what he says. What if the relationship sours? Will he still be agreeable to pay? I think not.
If you not giving him this money will end your relationship, the relationship is good as over. He shouldn’t have even asked.
Oh heck no girlfriend. You are not a bank. Not to mention the moeny you put down for closing costs and what not. a house is usually an appreciating asset, so selling it now not only loses the money you’ve put into it but the potential value it will gain over time.
also your bf is totally gonna bail on you and steal all your money if you do this.
Why in the world does he think he’s entitled to your money? You can just say, “I’m really uncomfortable that you even asked this. This is my money, we aren’t married, and I have no guarantee that you’ll pay it back.”
Honestly, you should be questioning your relationship based on the fact that he asked this in the first place. Opening a business with this guy sounds like a world of you ponying up cash, so maybe rethink that too.
He’s got quite the nerve to even suggest this!