Hi. I'll try to keep it short. I'm exhausted. I've been dating my girlfriend for nearly 2 years and the whole time she's had a sweet little dog named Betsy. Betsy just turned 16 years old. Starting in January Betsy started having health problems. We discovered she had a heart murmur. The vet put her on a drug called pimobendan and honestly it breathed new life into Betsy and we had a wonderful 2 months with her. Early in April Betsy started having other problems. Extreme digestive discomfort causes her to endlessly pace around in pain, and from the endless pacing she developed pulmonary hypertension. So, we got drugs for the pulmonary hypertension. Betsy had reduced lung capacity, but it seemed like she was still getting enjoyment out of life.
However.
Starting early May the digestive problems increased. After every single meal Betsy is writhing in pain for hours. She starts endlessly pacing and in the last 4 days she has blacked out from the pain. I found her crumpled on the floor barely breathing on the weekend. My girlfriend finally agreed it was time and we were supposed to euthanize her on Monday. We even did a “final walk” Sunday evening, and said our goodbyes to Betsy. I went through an entire toilet paper roll crying. But I knew it was the right decision. Monday morning Betsy wasn't writhing in pain, so girlfriend said she can't put her down. Although I strongly disagreed with her it's not my dog so I couldn't really push the issue. Now we're on Tuesday. I was up all night with Betsy holding her and rubbing her belly to try to ease her pain. I just can't do this anymore. The poor thing is in so much agony. 2 hours ago she once again collapsed after pacing around in extreme pain. It took a while to revive her.
I'm scared I'm going to lose my temper on my girlfriend. I'm extremely sleep deprived. She can't stay up all night to watch the dog because she is still working regular hours. So I'm the one staying up all night. Betsy doesn't want to be alive anymore. Every time she eats her inflamed intestine causes her to not be able to sit still. It's awful. I threw my back out from constantly picking her up and putting her back to bed. How do I go about this? My girlfriend knows how I feel. But she keeps insisting Betsy will get through it “she just needs to poop and just needs to be loved”.
I LOVE THIS DOG TOO AND THAT'S WHY I WANT HER TO BE AT PEACE. Please if anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it.
Your girlfriend needs to stay up and actually see what not putting Betsy down is doing to her. If your girlfriend falls asleep, wake her up. Keep waking her up and making her deal with Betsy’s pain until she accepts what needs to be done.
Edited to add: Stop forcing Betsy to eat, as it’s causing that much pain. And research IBD.
Hi, I’m a vet tech so I’m familiar with these situations. The reality is that you simply cannot push people towards euthanasia, even when it’s undoubtedly the right thing, which it sounds like it is for poor Betsy. If you push and she does it without being absolutely sure, she will resent you and likely believe that Betsy’s death is your fault. All you can do is be kind and support your girlfriend while helping her see that it’s time. Mention that her pain hurts you, that she can’t have quality of life, maybe suggest she meet with her vet to discuss it. But don’t really mention the euthanasia aspect of it. Allow her to come to the final, true conclusion on her own. She will.
Ah the poor thing ? it’s definitely time for her to go. Its always hard to convince people if they don’t want to. She has to realise it’s not about her anymore, it’s about Betsy. Her final act of love is letting her go, not keeping her around in pain because it’s easier on her. Just keep reinforcing that the dog is miserable, yes it will be hard to see her go, but it’s actually cruel and selfish to keep her going. She won’t just drop dead on her own, it unfortunately doesn’t work like that.
It seems like it’s going to come to a standoff. If she doesn’t do the right thing, you will. You can’t really do that but it will hopefully make her cop on and do the right thing.
Has Betsy seen a vet for her gastric issues? Why does your girlfriend think she just needs to poop?
What someone said to me that convinced me to let go of my ancient kidney-disease riddled Beagle: “Don’t make her keep living in pain just because you can’t let go. Your final duty is to love her enough to give her a peaceful end.”