I [27f] and my husband [34m] have two boys. We just found out that I'm 5 weeks pregnant with a third child and one thing that was really hard in my last pregnancy was my husband yelled at me a lot when we would fight.
I know I'm not perfect but I don't deserve to be pushed emotionally to tears all the time by his shitty “jokes” and when I ask for any help around the house he gets shitty with me, having an attitude etc. And when I ask him to cut out his attitude he lashes out or blames me.
He's always had the “joking” issue because he had a rough childhood and copes with dark humor. I try to be understanding and talk calmly when my feelings are hurt. But he screamed at me during a few fights in my last pregnancy (over cutting out my step dad, which was hard on my relationship with my mom) and I thought we came to a place of understanding that it wouldn't happen again.
We had been up and down but going to therapy and in general better. We've had to stop therapy because of his new job though. Working a lot and therapist isn't available when he's finally home.
Last night my brother came over and wanted to eat out with us. Fine we decided on pizza. I don't want the kids to see my brother and husband playing call of duty and my husband wants to help feed the baby a new food, okay. So I make the food, and he watches kid, interacts with the older one. Then I sit down to feed baby and he's like “are you going to order?” He was pushy about me ordering because he struggles with things like that so I said “okay, you feed the baby” and he did.
During me ordering it was slow to load and they were out of what he wanted and I kept getting interrupted by both kids and husband. It was taking a while. Then he started to get baby out of high chair and I had to help him. I looked over the order and decided I wanted something different because I was hungry not sure if it'd be enough for both of us to split, I said let's get our own pizzas.
He said okay and said he wanted a medium blah blah, and I looked at the deals and the large was actually cheaper so I did that. Then I read it out and was like “oops I put large” and he starts yelling about how I don't respect him and do what he wants and I start crying, and say I'm not hungry, stop ordering, etc. He says something like he's just hungry, I tell him to order and he takes my phone.
I snap at him to not touch my phone (as he has gotten mad at me for touching his phone it seemed very intentional) and take the baby and he goes away upstairs to play call of duty.
Later he came back down to apologize I guess but when I started telling him how I felt awful for bring yelled at and expected more from my husband, he made a joke about women being yelled at in general by husbands being “perfect” and was overly sarcastic when I was explaining how I felt hurt.
I told him I didn't appreciate his joking during a serious conversation and that it made his apology seem fake. He didn't apologize again but doubled down on why my life was so easy and I should not complain, so I said his job was easy and we didn't yell then but he went back upstairs.
We didn't talk again the rest of the night and I put both kids to bed alone (difficult and my least favorite parenting duty, which he knows) and he slept in the other room after my brother left.
Today he seemed sad or whatever but still never truly understands why his behavior was awful. He just wants to brush it under the rug and move on like always. How can I know he won't do it again when he ignored me all night? He said I ignored him but I was busy with the kids, not a game, and he was in the wrong.
I don't know. Maybe he has more problems than I thought. I don't want a perfect partner but I will not tolerate being screamed at especially over stupid stuff. I don't know what to do or how to even go about fixing this when he can't do therapy.
Tl;Dr my husband yelled at me and was rude over something small, again, I'm pregnant and questioning the relationship. Is this fixable?
I feel numb. Any advice welcome.