My ex left me for a girl 1.5 years ago after 6 years of relationship. He was my first relationship. He told me he didn't (emotionally and physically) cheat after we broke up and that if I ever think that way of him, he would be so disappointed in me. Basically, he gaslight me and told me if I ever tell people that version of the story – of him cheating and the girl being the third party – was me being salty af. At that time, I did believed him and thought I was the ugliest and unkindest person in the world to harbour such thoughts because he kept saying the girl and him isn't together and that she only wanted to make their relationship official after I had moved on because she felt fking bad for me.
The pain and the confusion post breakup left me sleepless, in constant panic and anxiety. For 2 weeks after the breakup, I could only sleep 1 hour a day, had no appetite, lost 6 pounds and when I finally went to the doctor, he had prescribed anxiety pills and encouraged me to go for counselling.
4 months after the breakup, the girl made her relationship FB official and it was on public mode. She even specifically displayed the date they got together. I was devastated because they got together even before we broke up. I was so angry and betrayed for believing him and confronted him angrily. He still denied it and said I wanted to believe this narrative because its a typical girl thing to blame the relationship on others, in order to move on and to heal faster.
His mom reached out to me and wanted to sincerely keep in touch. He told me if I do, his mom will never accept the new girl and be able to move on because she adored me. He also blamed me for being the cause of his failing relationship with his mom. I told him to fk off because I never once talked bad or even talked about the new girl or him at all whenever we catch up. Proceeded to block him everywhere.
Months passed and I healed and became much better. Picked up new sports, moved departments and did well in my social and work life. I even paid off a deposit for a house and did so much things (surfing, yoga, socializing, volunteering etc) to slowly process the pain and to better myself.
Yesterday, I found out from my mutual friends that he proposed to the girl during her birthday. I thought I was over the pain but it made me sad because I felt so angry like why was I the only one suffering and having to mourn over this loss. Like they could be happy for the past 1.5 years because it was at the expense of my pain. I don't want him back at all and I definitely know I deserve much better but it still hurts like shit. Will the pain ever go away?
She’s marrying a cheater. It won’t end well for them. You have a chance to find true love. You know. As you wish.
It’s okay to not feel okay. Breathe.
You grieved when it happened. 6 years is a long time, you came a long way, and it’s okay to still grieve. It comes in waves, but the waves grow smaller and smaller as time goes on. This news was just a bigger wave.
It’s great that you rationally know you deserve better. So don’t feel bad for grieving. You’re healing, and are worthy of love and belonging.
OP, just consider one thing: you’ve dodged a huge bullet. Do you really think this other girl knows what a huge douche her fiancé actually is? So many red flags.
I’d say get the popcorn ready for three or four years down the road when they get divorced. This guy sounds like a huge asshole.
She’ll regret it when he goes and runs off with the next girl who’s mildly interesting to him when he’s bored.