Relazioni e amore

I’m (19M) currently No-Contact with my family. I was diagnosed with cancer today and don’t know what to do.

tompba ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

My family is not the greatest. Both my mother (54F) and my older brother (22M) were abusive to me through most of my childhood and teenage years. I was accepted in a college in another state and took that chance to move out. That was in August 2019. I haven't spoke with them, and neither with my extended family, since October, and live has been amazing since. I had an amazing academic year, even though I didn't made a lot of friends, but I'm working on that lol.

But today, after almost 2 months of pain and swelling in my leg, I was diagnosed with bone cancer. I'm honestly still not thinking right. It still feels surreal. And I'm pretty much all alone now. I know that if I were to come back home, my mom would accept me, but that's not a healthy environment to go back to. They will probably be even more abusive, since they will probably see me going back home as a “win”. On the other hand, I don't know if I can't make it completely alone, without no one to physically or mentally support me (I live in Canada, so paying for the treatment will not be a problem). I live with three roommates that are pretty much my best (and only) friends, but haven't told them anything, and honestly that's not a burden a feel like they should carry.

Idk what I should do. I'm still confused. Too much feelings at once. It still doesn't feel real. From an outsider vision, do you guys think I should suck it up and go back home while I'm being treated, and move out again if everything is done? This is fucking hard.

Tell your roommates/friends. They will be able to support you, and can determine for themselves if your diagnosis is too much for them to handle, or a burden, which it shouldn’t be.

You don’t have to move back in with your mom, nor do you need to tell her, but even if your relationship is strained, I would want my mom to know. Doesn’t mean you need to do anything she tells you to do, but saying that you have cancer now will at least be better than if she has to find out from a medical professional if something grave were to happen.

Either way, it’s your decision. I wish you the best of luck

Man, this is so sad… Not sure if coming back into the abusive family is a right thing, unless you’re completely sure you can’t do it on your own.

About the friends… This is what they are made for, right? To be there for you and expect you to be there for them. I’d advise you to tell them. No need to hide anything. You never know how helpful they might be.

This is real sad, I’m so sorry. Reach out to friends and roommates, research support groups in your locality and online. Your GP should be able to help if you get stuck as they may have links to local groups and can signpost you.

My relationship with my folks isn’t the best. They are the last people I’d choose to look after me, I’d rather have no support than what their version of support would be. Have you thought about seeking counselling? This is a pretty big deal and a therapist can give you a safe environment to explore how you feel. It may be tempting to move home, but it sounds like it would be pretty traumatic for you to return.

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this at such a young age. Right now, tell your friends. Talk to the hospital social workers/patient navigators/I don’t know what title they use in Canada about your situation. They will be the best way to get connected with the resources that can support you, whether that’s transportation to medical appts, arranging a home health aide (if you need one for a bit), making arrangements with your university, etc. Treatment will suck; there’s no way around that. But it will suck less when you’re staying in a place you feel safe and comfortable in, with people you trust. It sounds like you have that environment in your current home, with your friends, and that you wouldn’t have the same comfort and support staying with your mother.

Above all, focus on what you need and let the people around you, your friends, help you when you need support. I hope that you get through this with all of the support, safety, and care that you deserve.

Your roommates/friends are your support system. Remember, “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”
Blood does not make family, it is the bonds between the people.