I have had mental health issues for as long as I can rememeber. My boyfriend is great and all, but he doesn't speak my love language and I don't think cares for it. I get anxious any time he leaves to hang out with girls because he never tells me before hand, he just tells me at the time when its happening and I get irritated ? I know the people he's with and I also know he wouldn't cheat, hes been cheated on so I believe the understand the lines. He is not the type of talk about feelings or problems so I know he's not talking to anyone else about it and he doesn't care about anyone else's feelings or problems either so he doesn't emotionally cheat. He doesn't physically see other people or get in a position to cheat honestly. I don't understand why but I always feel like he's going to cheat in the back of my mind. But is it my depression thats just making me think all of this because I feel like he isn't doing anything wrong but I can't help but not trust him??
Okay okay slow down. Take a deep breathe in and just think. Clearly there’s a breakdown in communication with you and your boyfriend. You should sit down with him and tell him things: about your insecurities, about how you want to trust him, about how you want to get better. You do need some type of therapy, but more importantly, you and your partner should be on the same page. If he really cares about you and respects you, he’ll be by your side as you try to get over this
Keep a grounding box of sorts maybe?
A grounding box is like a box that you use for moments like this where you know you’re behaving irrationally so maybe fill it with some pictures of you and your SO, some love letters, tickets from concerts you went to, maybe some candles or scents to help distract you.
Consider mental health treatment this is an example of a Dialectical Behavior Therapy skill so if you think stuff like this could help you can maybe find an intensive outpatient program to teach you more of this stuff.
I would look into relationship obsessive compulsive disorder (ROCD). Here is a helpful resource:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rC4hUIUTOw
Basically, your head gets filled with doubts about your partner or the relationship, rational or otherwise, and it’s very hard to do anything to make it stop. It can honestly be fucking miserable and ruin a perfectly good relationship. However, just understanding the disorder can help and it is possible to manage it.
In addition, it does sound like your boyfriend needs to put a bit more effort into communicating.
Best thing for a relationship is communication. Just talk to him and say you trust him but you have insecurities within your own world.
I have my own insecurities too, and I tell my partner about them when I feel like it affects me too much. Its hard for you to change your mindset alone. Have him just tell you if he is gonna hangout with someone and make sure it isn’t a chore for him.
Some guys hate being told what to do, so it’s better is show him what hurts and how you could feel more relaxed. Him just saying a simple “my friend is asking me to hangout, is that okay” or even “im gonna go out with friends now, ill msg u when i arrive”.
Communication is key, and when talking to a guy, communication without offending their pride (unless they are the type to understand).
Good luck!!
Are you getting treatment for your mental health problems?