Sex is a lot more demanding than quickly popping one. One takes 5 mins, the other takes a multitude of times more and on top of that, you only care about your own pleasure during masturbation, so it’s lot less demanding both physically and mentally.
That strange. Ask him?
I agree that masturbation should be considered equal to sex, rather than a shittier substitute. But since you’re living together and in a relationship, and he leads you to the bedroom seeming like he wants to have sex but then says “I’m horny, just not for you” kinda feels like he is telling you he isn’t sexually aroused by you anymore. You should definitely ask him what’s up.
I would say once every 3-4 days is not that frequent at all. Sounds super average.
So I used to think like you and voiced the same option to my partner. Wanna masturbate? Let’s just have sex instead!
But he explained to me how that wasn’t ideal to him because when we have sex he feels obligated to make sure I’m having a good time too. He feels he should be mentally present and have the physical energy to do it right. Still, I pushed and said, it’s fine, keep that attentive “good” sex for our regular sex life. I’m cool with the wham bam thank-you mam once in a while. And once in a blue moon he does do it. But for him its important that doesn’t become a regular theme in our sex life. He doesn’t want me waking up once day thinking “man, sex is so often just about him.”
The reality is getting off for stress relief sometimes needs to be done alone. Its a low stakes, low pressure situation where you’re not performing for anyone else. It’s just you, and pleasure. Its simple, its quick, it doesn’t require focus or attentiveness, and its healthy.
I just got over it to be honest. We have a healthy sex life, so my bases are covered. What he does on his own time is his business. Learning to respect his needs and give that autonomy freely just improved our relationship in general. I suggest you do the same.