Relazioni e amore

My (34F) husband (38M) is sneaking outside in the middle of the night and won’t tell me why. He doesn’t come home until the morning.

LeluWater ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

I’ve decided to post this anonymously online as I need advice and don’t know what to do.

Myself and my husband have been married for a little over 4 years. We don’t have any kids yet and live alone just outside of a big city.

So basically, two nights ago we went to bed together at the same time and I woke up in the middle of the night to find my husband wasn’t beside me. I went downstairs for a glass of water and assumed he had got up as he couldn’t sleep, but the house was empty and his car was gone from the driveway. I was slightly concerned as it was 3am so I rang his cell. But he didn’t pick up.

I tried to wait up until he returned but unfortunately fell back asleep. I woke abruptly at around 6am in a panic when I noticed he still wasn’t in the bed. I went downstairs and there he was in the kitchen making coffee. He turned around and said good morning and that he was up early because he couldn’t sleep. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. Plus he looked.. dirty? His hands and face were filthy.

I asked him if he went out last night and at first he said no, but when I told him I woke and seen his car gone he got all defensive and jittery, said he didn’t want to say it to me but he couldn’t sleep with my snoring and decided to go on a drive. I found this really odd as we have never had snoring problems before and he’s usually a very heavy sleeper.

Anyway I let it go as he just kept changing the subject and was clearly agitated. We haven’t spoken much since. I went to bed last night and he came up a while after me. During the night I woke up to the sound of a car. It was him again. I watched at the window as it drove off. I got back into the bed and felt tears coming on. So many thoughts going through my head. Was he cheating? If so, why only in the middle of the night. And after me catching him, you’d think he wouldn’t go out again. I couldn’t sleep a wink. I was awake when I heard his car pull back in. This time he immediately went to the bathroom and I heard him run the shower. This was at 5am? Afterwards, he came in and got back into the bed. I pretended to be asleep as I was physically shaking and couldn’t face him. I’m angry and confused. He fell straight asleep.

This morning I acted like I didn’t hear anything. I asked him how he slept tonight and if my snoring was annoying him again. He said no and that he slept through the night?? I walked away, I was too scared to question him again. We haven’t spoken all day. He’s been up in his office and still there now.

I am about to go up to bed now. I am afraid it will happen again. Should I follow him? Confront him before he leaves? I really don’t know what to do and I’m too scared to say anything because I think deep down I’m afraid of what I’d find out.

TL;DR Husband is sneaking out in the middle of the night the past two nights. He won’t tell me what he is doing and I’m not sure what to do.

Drugs, affair, anonymous hookups in parks, mental illness, time alone, severe insomnia… none of here can guess.

You need to confront him. This is not going to get solved with extended tense silences, guesses, and evasion. Confront him directly and do not let him evade the issue.

“I know you left 2 nights ago and came back dirty. I know you left last night and came home to immediately shower. I know I do not snore nor am I imagining anything. Tell me what is going on right now before I assume the worse. I would rather face up to the truth than have either of us lie to ourselves or each other.”

He’s either the Batman, cheating on you, or burying a body. Either way it doesn’t look good.

Follow him.

If he is cheating, why would he be returning home dirty? That’s too weird.
Is he sleepwalking/driving? I don’t know if that’s a thing?

If it was me, I’d put a tracker on his phone or car or something.
Sounds like some serial killer shit.

Would you rather he’s cheating or that he’s a murderer? Either seems possible with that behavior.