Relazioni e amore

My boyfriend displayed my nudes on a wall of women he and his friends have slept with. I feel like my life has been ruined.

TheftNoodles ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

This all just happened one hour ago so I’m really shaken. Sorry if it’s too long.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 4 months. We met at the college that we go to. My parents live in the same city where our school is, but my boyfriend lives about 6 hours away. When school is in session we both live on campus. I haven’t been able to see him since it closed due to covid and we had to go home.

Some background. My boyfriend has a group of friends in his hometown that I’ve never liked. They’ve been friends since high school, and believe me when I say that they still belong in high school. Two of them are brothers from a rich family who don’t work or go to school. They spend their days smoking weed and playing video games. One of the other friends is in the military and the 2 last friends and as well as my boyfriend are in college (but all go to different schools). It’s pretty rare that they’re all home at the same time, especially with the one being in the military he’s away a lot. My boyfriend is really protective of the time they have together. I’ve spent a lot of time with these guys because every time I visit my boyfriend’s hometown I see at least the two brothers.

You may be wondering why I don’t like these friends. For one, they don’t believe in girlfriends. My boyfriend is the only one in the group who has been in a relationship for longer than a few months. They think women are good enough for sex and not much else. I’m not putting words in their mouths. One of them literally told me to my face. I’m very outspoken so they hate me because I call them out on their bullshit. It goes without saying that it’s basically their mission to convince my boyfriend to dump me. Whenever there is an issue between his friends and I, he just tries to stay out of it. He doesn’t stand up for me. I hate who he becomes when he’s trying to impress those assholes. The majority of our arguments have been a result of him allowing his friends to treat me like shit. They’ve been rude or blatantly ignored me. My boyfriend is the calmest, sweetest, most wonderful person (or so I thought). I never understood why he kept them around when it was so clear to me that he had outgrown them. It appeared that they had pretty much nothing in common. I see now how alike they are after all.

For the record I knew I should have held him more responsible for his friends. However, it was just too easy to put them out of my mind. They were only ever an issue if they were outwardly rude to me during one of the few weeks per year I hung out with them. The rest of the time he was a really great boyfriend. I never imagined him hurting me this way.

Back to the story. The two brothers live in a house that’s detached from the main one their parents live in. It’s where they all usually hangout. I’ve been there many times. It has its own kitchen and everything, it’s literally a smaller house. They also have a basement that I’ve only seen a couple times because it’s their “man cave” I never cared to enter anyway. I had no idea, but apparently down there all of the friends have this wall that has their names on it and pictures of the women they’ve each fucked lodged below. Apparently not all the pictures are sexual but there are mostly nude pictures because they have this sick point system like it’s a game and they get more points if the picture is a nude. I guess all of the pictures look like they were taken with the knowledge of the woman in the photo but I doubt any of them knew it was going to be fucking tacked up on display. They’d been doing this for years. I’m disgusted and horrified and devastated because I had no idea this is the type of man I was with.

I found out because I’m friends with the sister of the two brothers and she saw the wall herself. She reached out to only me because I’m the only one she knows personally. She said that my boyfriend had the least amount of pictures by his name. She showed me the picture of me he had tacked on the wall. It was a full body nude I had sent over a year ago. Thankfully it does not have my face in it, but I have a tattoo on my thigh that makes it very obvious the woman in the picture is me. I would never consent to let those guys see my body that way. I let my boyfriend because I trusted him. I feel shocked, embarrassed, betrayed, violated, objectified, and a little frightened.

I called my boyfriend, I admit, in hysterics. It took many attempts before he was able to understand what I was saying. He at first denied the existence of this wall, then he admitted it exists but he didn’t use a real picture of me, he used a picture of someone else and pretended it was me. I told him I’d seen the pic and KNEW damn well it was me. Then he started sobbing hysterically begging for forgiveness. Then he was annoyed at me for being so upset and asked what’s the big deal, since I’m “hot” anyway. I just hung up because I can’t talk to him. I can’t look at him. I feel physically nauseous thinking about what he did. How he could not only share my nudes with his friends who look down on me, who treat me badly for being a woman. He allowed those men to have access to my body. I have never been so wrong about a person.

I could never forgive him. I think I may want to press charges if I can get the sister to send me more pictures of the wall, but I’m sure my boyfriend has alerted his friends so they could be taking it down as I type this. I’m heartbroken. I don’t know how I’m gonna tell my family because they’re very conservative. They don’t even know about my tattoo. I’m so ashamed. I don’t know what to do.

>He at first denied the existence of this wall, then he admitted it exists but he didn’t use a real picture of me, he used a picture of someone else and pretended it was me. I told him I’d seen the pic and KNEW damn well it was me. Then he started sobbing hysterically begging for forgiveness. Then he was annoyed at me for being so upset and asked what’s the big deal, since I’m “hot” anyway.

This part disturbed me more than the rest. The fact that he didn’t just fess up straight away but went through the entire list of excuses shows he has no actual remorse. He may seem like a sweet guy but he’s obviously not. He and his friends are just a group of losers.

This is the biggest betrayal of trust and I am so sorry this happened to you.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed for. Nothing. And I can completely see why you’d want to press charges and think you should consider doing so.

Its pretty hard to see how trust can be rekindled in this relationship or to see a healthy future between the two of you. His reaction to when you found out about the picture is particularly troubling; denying what he did, then attempting to elicit pity from you or make you feel sorry for him, and then gas lighting and saying he doesn’t know why it’s such a big deal anyway because you look hot in the picture. That in itself is so worrying because he doesn’t strike me as particularly remorseful. Or rather, he’s remorseful at the prospect of losing you but not remorseful for his actions or the impact it has understandably had on you.

You’ve done a lot of defending of your BF in the post but I really think you should ask yourself whether he is a good guy?

I’m so sorry once again. I hope you have a good support network of friends and family around you you can confide in who can give you support.

People’s friends are always a reflection of who they are. He keeps the company of shitty dudes, so there had to be a part of him that was a shitty dude as well.

This is in no way your fault. He did a SUPER shitty thing and didn’t even admit to it at first. If your parents have been supportive of you in the past, I would talk to them about it. If you’re hesitant, just go to people who you know will support you and maybe tell them in the future. If pressing charges will make you feel better then you should do it. Also for the other girls who have no idea that their pictures are being used as trophies for misogynist men. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, and know that you’re a good person who doesn’t deserve this. Send my love your way ❤

Girl, just throw the whole boyfriend away.

You SHOULD press charges. Even if you only have the picture of yourself. And if you haven’t already BREAK UP AND BLOCK this guys ass. Along with all these other guys. I’m so so so sorry this happened to you. You should take legal action if that’s possible. What a horrible thing for these boys to do. Absolutely disgusting.