Relazioni e amore

My boyfriend sells Pokemon Cards as his career and 3 years ago I cost him thousands of dollars in merchandise. He proposed to me this weekend but I can’t forgive myself for what happened 3 years ago, and I don’t think I can marry him because of it.

I mean that sucks, it’s a shitty situation, but money is the means to an end. The end is quality of life. You need money to create a situation in which you can be happy. If you ever find yourself sacrificing quality of life and happiness for money, you’re doing it backwards. I’m gonna go ahead and assume he’s totally forgiven you here, because it would be damn silly to propose if he hasn’t. He proposed because he thinks he will be happy with you. Meaning you’re providing the end goal the money was for, anyway.

This seems to be bothering you way more than I think it should be. Did he spend a lot of time guilt-tripping you over it or something? If he did, you should maybe not think about marrying for a different reason. If not, forgive yourself. Shit happens, but it’s not anyone’s fault but the little turd who clearly came in with the intention of stealing.

And for the love of god TELL him that this is why you’re hesitating, otherwise he might think it’s something else, which could wind up hurting him a lot more than those $7000 did.

The fact that this is making you seriously hesitate getting married is indicative of deeper problems under the surface.

Feelings of inadequacies pepper your post, with the constant reminder that you’re unemployed.

As such, it’s easy for you to feel like a leech, and or second fiddle. Neither of which lend themselves to feelings of intimacy.

You let yourself down by letting him down and now you’re scared of how often it will happen in the future but you’ve got to let that go for one simple fact.

He hasn’t now, but at some point, he will significantly disappoint you. It will manifest in any number of ways.

Maybe he’ll buy an expensive car without consulting you.

Maybe he’ll purchase a 2nd Pokeshop without consulting you.

Maybe he’ll sell all his inventory suddenly and decide he wants to be a stay at home dad.

He will let you down at some point, it’s just a natural part of marriage.

Don’t let this single insignificant mistake cost you a life of potential love and happiness. You’re both in for many more along the journey!

Have you been planning an elaborate wedding? Perhaps it would help to soothe your guilt if you took some of that wedding budget and used it to replace the cards. Instead of spending $6000+ on flowers, you’d be able to present him with a ‘token’ of you love in the form of repentance.

It would be a HUGE way of showing him just how much you value him and want to make things right even after the fact and without his requiring it.

Marriage is rocky as hell. There will be multiple times you’ll find yourselves hanging off a cliff edge with your grip slipping because one or the other fucked up. At that point you can move past the blame game and help each other back up or you can wallow in the guilt and you’ll both end up plunging to your doom.

This, in the grand scheme of things is minuscule. Microscopic even as far as the trials and tribulations of marriage go.

Take some deep breaths, close your eyes and realize that his love for you means more than ALL his cards combined. He’d set fire to the building if it meant making you smile.

Good luck!

You do realize that the one causing you BF the financial loss was the thief, not you? If you blame yourself for this, it’s some high level victim blaming.