I am an autistic adult and I work with autistic kids. One of the best things about my job is when the parents say they worry their child won’t achieve anything due to their autism and I can disclose my diagnosis and point out I have a job I enjoy and a husband I adore. It makes the future look a lot less bleak for them. What is your grandsons diagnosis? I would be looking for support groups for both you and his mum. Maybe talking to other parents who deal with this will show her it’s not the end of the world. He doesn’t say “I love you”? I get this with my autistic kids all the time. The parents obsessing over this one sentence amid might never say. But the kids are telling their parents they love them. They’re just communicating it differently, they’re saying it without words, all you have to do is listen. That child will be communicating something in some way, but if no one’s listening it seems as if he’s not.
Don’t forget she will absolutely blame the baby for the breakdown of her marriage. Her husband is a piece of shit and he is the one who should be blamed here. I hope you’re chasing him for child support?
I can’t help but find your daughter’s attitude pretty offensive as a disabled person. When you conceive a child no one guarantees you a particular set of characteristics. It’s a roll of the dice. And if you’re not prepared to take care of whatever you’re given I personally believe you have no business having children. My mum and granddad are autistic. I’m currently trying to conceive. I know there’s a high chance of my baby being autistic and I accept that. No one is owed a “normal” child.
I really like your refusal to put the kid into care. But it does leave you with 2 options. Raise the baby or get your daughter to take him back. Is there any government support available to you? Even is it was just respite care, it’s better than nothing. As I said previously I think talking to parents dealing with the same thing is the best way to get her to take him back. Let her see she can have all the joys of having a child just that success and progress will look a little different. And different does not mean less.
There are two options. Either you accept being the caregiver and parent to your grandson, raise him and give him the love, help and affection any child deserves. Or you give him up to CPS. Your daughter will give him up to CPS herself soon, unless you volunteer to have him with you.
You cannot force her to want him. You cannot force her to parent him. He deserves better than her.