Relazioni e amore

My fiance’s (34F) son (4M) pulled the knife on her; should I consider backing out of this relationship?

Rodelahunty ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

I (35M) met a single mom (34F) with a child (4M) a year ago. After getting to know her through online, phone, and multiple in-person interactions, I proposed to her and we were going to get married. I introduced her to my parents (65F, 60M) and my daughter (5F) whom I brought with me. We were all having dinner but I did notice that her son did things that made me concerned.

While eating out, he refused to stay in his seat. He was constantly screaming when she asked him to behave. He grabbed his chair and pushed it around. He aimlessly walked around the outdoor patio. Everyone kept looking at us. I've seen kids misbehave but he really misbehaved.

He also kept walking around and stepped on ants for some reason. My daughter got upset, asking him to stop unnecessarily killing ants that were just doing their own thing but he ignored her. I value being good to animals, even insects, and I felt pretty disappointed seeing him act like that and I asked him to not do that. My daughter got confused about what was right or wrong and I told her that he was wrong and I wasn't shy about stating that. My fiance told me that when they see ants at their house, they always get rid of them by stepping on them, even if the ants are outside. I would get it if it were in the house but to mercilessly kill wherever they are is concerning.

After that, when the food came in, we were all eating and he got upset saying he wanted what we had. I offered to trade food with him because sharing is fun. He refused and just got upset. My fiance tried to explain to him about sharing food and when he refused to look at her, she tried to hold his hand. Then he did the unimaginable. He grabbed a table knife and aimed it at her. He threatened her while holding the knife close to her. I was shocked. My parents were shocked. My daughter was shocked. I told him to put it down that it was never acceptable to do such things. To speak up is fine but to put a knife against someone, especially parents, is completely wrong. He eventually let it go and walked away.

This, as well as other behavior issues I saw, changed the way I saw her. While he can be a good boy, he can also be downright difficult, and it made me question what she had been doing as a mother. She kept defending his actions saying things like, “He was just grabbing the nearest object he could find” and “He would never hurt me”. That still doesn't make it acceptable.

I later found out from her friends and colleagues that she typically enables him by being his friend rather than parent. He's delayed in his potty training and language acquisition. He's coddled all the time by being given what he wants. When he shouts in the store, she buys him something to keep him calm (often). She gives him chocolate milk every single day (tons of sugar). So many red flags that I felt were insurmountable. I initally saw her as a potentially great mother to my daughter but now I don't feel like she would be, after learning all of these things.

I feel like an asshole but I think I want to back out of this relationship. My gut feelings tell me something is off. I value how a child is raised. And I feel kind of threatened when I see how she parents and how she defends him. I wish I knew about this from the start but they say you only know what it's like when you start living with them. Should I consider backing out?

How could you have asked this woman to marry you before you introduced her to your daughter? And before you met her son?

Something is extremely screwed up about your timeline here.

You dated her briefly, asked her to marry you, then arranged a restaurant meetup between your parents, your daughter, her son, and the two of you??

Is there something missing from this story?

Sorry I’m confused, you guys are engaged but this was the first time you’ve met each others children?

>After getting to know her through online, phone, and multiple in-person interactions, I proposed to her and we were going to get married.

Thats the wildest part of this post tbh

Oh my god. Come on.

Your parenting styles are definitely not going to mesh well, so it would probably be the best in the long run to split now.

Is this the first time you’ve interacted with your fiancée’s son? And the first time you’ve seen her behave as a parent?

  1. It’s unfathomable to me that you’d be engaged before meeting each other’s children and seeing each other’s parenting styles and interactions.

  2. If this is your fiancée, make up your own mind about her – stop talking to her friends and colleagues about whether she’s a good mom or a bad mom. Actually talk to her and spend time with her and her son.

I don’t think you know her well enough and moved way to fast. You have completely didn’t parenting style and I would be afraid for my daughter safe. It’s acting like this at 4, what could happen at 10 or 16. You cannot always be around your and and him.

Yes, you should really think about this relationship. Also, please slow down on introducing you daughter to people. The honeymoon stage makes people blinded to their true personality. I had a rule of a year before introduction. If they didn’t understand then o well.

Things are moving fast considering you both have kids and your parenting styles don’t align. Maybe you need to take a step back and do more observing.

I don’t think he’s destined for doom at his age because of what he did, but the information from her friends is worrying.