Relazioni e amore

My girlfriend likes to cook and clean, and expects nothing in return

aliveandw1red ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

I recently started dating a girl. She is the sweetest girl I've ever met and we get along fantastically.

So far, she has cooked every single meal we have eaten at my apartment. Before I can even get home, she has already purchased food and is ready to cook at any second. I have never asked her for this, but she does it because she's sweet is also used to cooking a lot.

She also always tidies up very well every time she is here. Not only that, but she goes and buys supplies for me when I'm low on stuff (she's bought me shampoo, tooth paste, paper towels.. etc).

She also never lets me pay her back for any of her purchases, though I insist.

I am afraid that I will get used to this type of treatment, but I don't want to ever take her help or behavior for granted.

What kind of ways can I show my appreciation to my girlfriend, in such a way that I can do it often and regularly? (As in, not just a large gesture, but perhaps something I can do for our entire relationship)

Or, what kind of ways do YOU personally show your significant other appreciation?

I appreciate all responses.

Thank you for reading.

It sounds like acts of service is how she expresses her love.

Do you know what her love language is to receive love? It could very well be acts of service. If it is, start doing stuff to make her life easier.

Just because she doesn’t expect anything in return doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you can do to surprise her and other acts to show her you appreciate it and care. Doing dishes after she cooks or surprise her with a meal you have made. Buying her things also is a good idea, making sure your place is clean before she comes over is also a good idea so she doesn’t feel like she has to do it or it won’t happen. Same thing about the supplies, makeing sure that they are stocked so she doesn’t feel like she needs to. Like another poster said, it can lead to resentment over too much time.

If she cooks, you clean all the dishes.

If she tidies your apartment, you help out.

In the end, tell her that you’d like to help and be a team. Like you said you want to appreciate what she does and not take her for granted. By taking initiative to help her out you’ll show that

I’m very similar, love to cook and clean. I’m a very tidy person by nature and I much prefer to cook my own meals to save money and for health reasons. Been with my bf for 3 years and we live together. While I dont mind being the main cleaner/cooker here is what does bother me.

When I ask him to cook and he gives me some kind of attitude about it. I rarely ask him to cook and it makes me feel very unappreciated for all the times I cook.

When I have spent the day cleaning and he comes home and makes a mess, big or small. It’s really frustrating to put in all that hard work and have it undone in the span of 5 min.

When he promises to clean something and then doesn’t or only does 1/2 the job, like cleaning clothes but not folding them.

Not to make it sound like I’m bitching about my relationship or anything, I’m very happy and my bf is a very loving person. He has stopped doing most of the above over time. I’m just offering advice from personal experience what annoys the hell out of me! Dont do these things and you should be just fine lol.

I see a lot of people talking about love languages… And maybe I’m just a simpleton… But have you just asked her, to her face, “honey you do such a wonderful job cooking and cleaning, and I feel so blessed and lucky to have found you… What can I do to help you out or make sure you feel appreciated?”

If she doesn’t respond with anything specific, then here’s an easy rule: come up with at least one activity/event pretty week that you think would be fun (for either you, her, or both) and then follow through to do that with her. The key thing to whatever you pick is that YOU have to put effort into researching and planning when and where. Some easy examples would be:

  1. going to a new restaurant that neither of you have ever been to
  2. find a game (board, cards, etc.) that you’d want to play with her
  3. an event in the community like a festival, concert, etc