You have specific, measurable complaints about cat ownership that impact things that are meaningful to you. That’s good – it’s important to understand what specifically is wrong, so that you can work toward a solution. That’s step 1.
Step 2 is talking to your wife.
Communication in any relationship is vital. I know it’s not an easy or fun conversation to have, but letting unchecked problems go is only going to make your life, house, and relationship worse.
Talk openly and respectfully to your wife about your feelings and experiences. Listen to what she feels. Work together to come to a solution that works for everyone. There’s many possibilities that could relieve a lot of these problems, but the only correct possibility is the one that you and your wife agree to.
TLDR get a litter genie
Not touching your other issues, I wouldn’t have married a person who wasn’t as obsessed with cats as I am and it sounds like a rough situation to be in. But re: the litter, here’s what I do with two cats in a small apartment.
Scoop every day, and right away after any one-off stinky dumps. I use a Litter Genie which is priceless for making it super easy and convenient to scoop every day and containing the smell. It sits next to your box and it contains the scooped litter in a sealed-up bag, so it’s not like a trash cat where the litter is just sitting open to the air and stinking up the place. Ever week or so you tie up the bag and throw it out. It’s gross, litter is inevitably gross, but it’s by far the best way to deal with it.
Your wife needs to be scooping the litter box(es) every day
I relate to this, actually. I had a roommate whose cat I REALLY disliked living with. This cat made me feel uncomfortable in my own home and gave me a lot of stress, because she was bite-y and would scream at night and wake me up.
I think the space is a huge part of the problem here. Even upsizing to a two bedroom apartment would probably make a big difference! You could put the litter box somewhere more out of your way. Is that going to feasible within a foreseeable timeframe, or is moving to a bigger place a long ways off?
Buy couch covers. Take these changes slowly… make a list of goals/behaviors/outcomes you want. Write down different things to try.
These sensory issues are understandable and quite possibly fixable.
I use plastic liners on my cat’s litter boxes. I scoop daily order tbh every other day if I get off schedule. I change all the litter and the liners weekly. I also sweep the litter out, and keep the litter in low to the ground plastic containers. THOSE are on top of laundry machine trays.
I occasionally spritz out the whole litter box bottom with Nature’s Miracle, too. It’s something I make a habit of every Saturday.
I have 3 cats in a one bedroom and it doesn’t smell. use feline pine and get into the habit of scooping whenever they poop. its like once a day, its easy. get a liter genie. and maybe a cat climbing/scratching tree. ive had people over that are allergic and they were fine.