Relazioni e amore

Update: I heard my bf’s parents say racist things about me

Nyctanolis ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

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I decided to tell my boyfriend what happened. I told him last night, at 2AM. He was livid. I barely had time to finish the story before he started packing our bags. He kept on apologizing for the situation he put me in, and I could see how horrible he felt about all of this. He told me he wanted to talk to his parents about what they said and asked if I wanted to be a part of the conversation or if I’d rather wait in the car. Not being a person who likes confrontation at all, I hesitated but ultimately said I wanted to be there. I just didn’t want to actively participate in the conversation, I was too uncomfortable.

He woke his parents up, sat them down and told them what I had heard. They were clearly extremely uncomfortable and kind of just stared at him, like they couldn’t believe he was doing this. He told them it was unacceptable and how ashamed he was of them. He also told them that when/if we would decide to speak to them again, they better be ready to sincerely apologize and do better, because he wouldn’t tolerate anything else. He also mentioned that their opinion would have no impact on who he would decide to marry. His mom looked like she wanted to say something but he didn’t let her, got up and we left. We were quite shaken up on the ride home, but he took the time to explain to me what he knew of why his parents behaved this way.

Basically, he remembers his parents making racist remarks here and there when he was little (not just about black people but POC in general). He didn’t really know it was wrong until he got out of his hometown and realized his parents were very wrong in their views. With time, he saw his parents less and less, because their views regarding race and other issues just didn’t align with his at all anymore and it would create animosity every time he visited them. When he met me, even before we became a couple and were just friends, he would often post pictures of us on Facebook and his parents would see them. They never mentioned anything. When they learned that we were a couple, they said they wanted to meet me, and he wasn’t sure of their sincerity. He said they talked about me when they would call him, and for a whole year, my bf basically tried to make sure that they were actually okay with our relationship. His parents kept saying not to worry, that they had learned from their past mistakes, asking him to trust them. After a year, he finally believed them and that’s when he decided to introduce us. He was so happy to see how nice and accepting they were towards me. He said it himself, he was too naive.

He was pretty much crying telling me this, but I could tell he tried not to because he felt responsible and didn’t want to make it about himself. Maybe it makes me dumb, but I don’t blame him. I know him, and he wouldn’t put me in a situation like that on purpose. I believe him when he says he truly thought they changed. He apologized numerous times and told me I never had to see them again, and that he wouldn’t either for a very long while. He was already not close with them, and this situation didn’t help at all. He made it a point to say that what his mother said about him wasn’t true (that he wouldn’t marry me because he knows they would disapprove).

We talked about it a lot since last night. We barely slept. And I decided I do want to stay with him. A big majority of the comments under my last post told me that my best option was to leave him, a lot of it coming from POC. And I understand why. But, I do love him very much and I really do not want to leave him because his parents hate our relationship. I think I would regret it. I’m not saying it’ll be easy and maybe I am making a mistake, but I want to be with him. Maybe it’s disappointing to a lot of you, but it’s my decision.

btw I didn’t contact daily mail, they published my post without asking me

Thank you all very much for your advice. x

Let’s be honest. He reacted to the situation as well as he possibly could and did everything right. You can be proud of him. Let’s not judge people for their parents. He backed you a 100%. If he keeps being true to you, why not stay with him?

Your BF is on your side, that’s key. His parents do not define your relationship and it sounds like you guys are on the right track. Fuck people who tell you to break up with him because of his parents.

So glad your bf stood up for you properly! No wavering, nothing; you told him and he immediately took action showing you he was on your side. Good stuff.

I didn’t read your other post but holy crap this is what you want out of a partner. It sounds like he 100% has your back and is choosing you over his parents. The willingness to immediately leave, not try and minimize the situation, and take full responsibility for being in that situation really shows his character not just as a person but as your partner. IMO you’re lucky to have him. Yes if you spend your life with him his parents will have to either change their ways or you will have to cut contact but it seems he has no problem with that as long as he’s got you. From personal experience, dealing with tough shit like this will bring you two closer and cement what sounds like an already great relationship. Best of luck!

He has independent morals and values from his parents, and you know you can trust him to have your back in the future now. I think you’re making the right choice in sticking by him based on who he is and how you feel about him. Friends and significant others can feel more like “family” than actual family, so he’s right that their opinion does not matter.