I (26M) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for nearly 2 years, and I realized something big about relationships in general. This may be an obvious fact to a lot of you, but hear me out.
Relationship is about taking the necessary risk to find out whether you are right for each other. Captain obvious is definitely giving me an approving nod right about now, so let me be a bit more clear.
For the past two years, I let my fear of breaking up get the best of me. I never spoke out the negative things in our relationship. Unknowingly, I became this martyr that took on all invisible burdens. Some may say there's nobility in suffering for the other in a relationship, but no. Not when you become complacent like me for doing so much for the other.
As a guy (immature – to be precise), I have a hard time discussing my needs and feelings because I don't want to sound needy, naggy, or high-maintenance. But, I realized today that it's not emasculating to talk about my needs in a relationship or talk about my emotions. It's more masculating to own up to my emotions and be honest about it.
It's been a very confusing realization for me.. because I felt resentful about her failing to meet my needs, but also wanting to do more for her.
You may be wondering how my somewhat-undercooked brain got to realize this. I was about to break up with her. I really was. And for one last time, I sat down and wrote down why exactly I was breaking up with her, which short story long, ended with all the fingers pointed back to me..
I'm going to start being honest to her about what I need/feel which effectively means I'm taking the risk to make or fail the relationship.
Hope this anecdote helps.. I'd love your feedback if you agree/disagree with what I think.