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How do you tell someone they have bad manners/hygiene when they were just raised that way?

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Questa volta abbiamo cercato: How do you tell someone they have bad manners/hygiene when they were just raised that way?

I have two friends who this applies to. One (my roommate of 5-6 months) constantly pees on the seat and leaves it there. Then I have to clean the toilet every time I have to use it haha. He is a little stinky but it is because his family has weird (to me) hygiene habits. I am pretty sure he only showers once a week. I’m a very patient and calm person so I am not mad at him but it is definitely a little gross. He has also never had a girlfriend even though he has been interested in girls. They all share the same towel for drying off after a shower, and his whole family sleeps on the floor in our family room when they come to visit.

My other friend simply chews really loudly with his mouth open and makes slurping noises while eating. I once ate at a restaurant with his family and they all ate like that. I feel bad for him because I think it probably is unattractive to anybody that he goes on dinner dates with.

How do I communicate to these people that they’re doing sort of gross things, but not offend them or be rude?

Ed ecco le risposte:

> My other friend simply chews really loudly with his mouth open and makes slurping noises while eating

I have a friend who was like this. We worked together in high school and went to the food court together every day at lunch. It grossed me out so much.

It finally got to be too much and I told him how I felt and how disgusting it was for him to smack his lips and chew with his mouth open. He was very offended, said a bunch of nasty things about me, and left.

Looking back, it’s clear he never learned any better. His mother had serious mental health issues and his father left when he was a baby.

We didn’t talk to each other for a long time after that, but he must have taken my words to heart because when we finally reconciled, his eating habits had changed. We are still good friends to this day.

The hygiene for pandemic idea someone has is a good approach I think. So it’s not sounding like a personal attack.
I’m not subtle so when I had a flatshare I told them to stop being manky bams and I wasn’t cleaning up their pish. I’m Scottish though lol

I’m not sure you can communicate all this without hurting their feelings. No matter how you say it, being told that you’re gross doesn’t feel good. However, it’s clearly a problem. I’d try to be as honest as you can, ask them to wipe the toilet if needed, and prepare for some backlash.

Wondering here, are they from Southeast Asian heritage? Because they do that among low income families in the Indian subcontinent due to not having enough resources for hygiene. (From my personal experience, I am from Nepal and it was like that among the more impoverished communities)
I was taught about better hygiene and cleanliness by my mum and my American stepdad, but it was certainly an awkward conversation. I say talk with them about the toilet seat at least, and bring up pandemic stuff and say it’s just good practice to have clean seats at least. Might get the ball rolling.

I think no matter how or what you say you’re going to hurt their feelings. It’s a normal reaction to be hurt when someone says something negative about you, especially someone you live with or care about. Be prepared that they are going to be hurt no matter what you say. After that figure out the nicest factual way to say it that doesn’t involve name calling. They may be upset at first but they’ll get over it. Just give them the space to be hurt. And if they aren’t upset by what you say, they may not care in general , therefore they don’t care about hygiene and no matter what you say they’re not going to change.