Go to the ER and tell the truth. They don’t care. In fact, they’ll make more fun of you behind your back if you lie about how it got there.
Yes, hypothetically of course.
Pull as hard as you can! Rip it like you’re trying to start a lawnmower. But if there isn’t anything to grab pm me I can lend a hand.
Raccoons are lava lamps’ only natural predators, so shove one up after it and let nature take its course.