[removed]
Hi!
Long story short, I moved states.
Short story long, my girlfriend (16 at the time) pressured me (18 at the time) into sex with the threat of being single if I didn’t. Eventually it was “Yeah, but also I want kids at 16” and I pulled back from it hard. I started checking every condom I interacted with because I was smart, but not smart enough to just kick her aside and be single.
Sure enough, I blew air through one right in front of her, and told her to get her bag and food and walk home, because we were fucking done. The police were on my porch the next morning with sexual assault charges. She accused me of rape for breaking up with her.
I had already had this fear before it happened (and I still fucking do) and I actually had a razor in my pocket while talking to them. If they took me, I was going to slit my wrists (neck if I could) in the squad car. I showed them my phone, the threatening texts, the leveraging me into sex, and that even now, after having pressed charges, she was calling me to scream at me. I was honest instead of giving them afraid-of-the-cops answers like I should have.
They said not to contact her, gave me a weak thumbs up, and left. I didn’t go outside for a few months (I had already gotten my GED, no school), and got an opportunity to move states with my dad a few months later. Took it. Never looked back.
She called me to apologize after I moved. Guess she saw the moving trucks. Told her that I didn’t really give a fuck and was already a few hundred miles away, so she could actually apologize by losing my number.
Still super terrified to initiate sexual, or even flirtatious contact with anyone. I hug a lot, though.
You first have to tell everyone that some bitch is accusigg you of terrible behavior, because people are more likely to listen to the first version of the story than the second. Then… It feels like paranoia. You become more distant with the women you’d like to be with because you fear that this would happen again. Sometimes you don’t trust rape accusations because it had been fake for you and no one gave a fuck. It’s only after they realise you’re acting paranoid and lack sleep that they realise how, bad it could be.
Here’s a better idea. How about men start doing the work for once. Learn how sexual predators operate. Watch your boys and pay attention to how they treat people. Notice the things they talk about, and listen to the way they speak. Keep each other in check. Basically, do all the emotional work that every woman on Earth starts doing at the age of 6, if not sooner.
Everyone knows that Bros won’t tell their buddy’s wife that he’s banging a stripper every Saturday night, right? Maybe the new Bro Code could be “Bros don’t let each other sexually harass, assault, or abuse people.”
Maybe start there as a species, and see how the world opens up for you.
(Not YOU, op. “You” in general.)