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What’s your ‘gotta take a massive shit and there’s no bathroom around’ story?

On a road trip. I was driving from Vegas to Reno in the desolate wasteland of the Nevada desert. Eventually pulled over and shit somewhere in the desert and buried the napkins in the sand.

Not actually my own story but Ryan Magee‘s bathroom story is legendary.

Oh damn. I had this really bad diarrhea on my way to my workplace so I had to stop by a mall along the way. The bathroom was really far from the entrance where I was at, and I couldn’t hold it in much longer. Because of that I pooped a little on my underwear. I was able to hold the rest in for a while until I reached the bathroom, but I can’t definitely go to work with a bit of poop on my underwear (and I also did not have extra clothes at work) so I had to go home and call my boss telling him that I feel really sick.

Man, that sucked.

This was about 15 years ago when I was a teenager.

I was walking home from school, and out of nowhere, I was about to SHIT MY FUCKING PANTS. The place I was walking was still under development, so I found a half worked on lot that was pretty secluded. Pulled down my pants and did the urgent business.

I had to use a sock to wipe. Then, in the horror and panic as to what just happened, I became paranoid that someone would find the poop, DNA test it, find me, and I would go to jail (give me a break, I was a kid).

So I took off my other sock, scooped it all up, AND CARRIED IT FUCKING HOME.

Went to a friend’s place to help him with some work (has an automotive shop on the property). Friend wasn’t there, only bathroom is in his locked house. My house was only about a 15 minute drive but when I felt that rumble deep down inside me I knew I had but minutes until blast-off.

The property is well treed so I walked off to somewhere I assumed no one would ever need to go and proceeded to take a rocket-powered diarrhea dump.

I thought all was fine and good (other than the lack of toilet paper) until a few days later when buddy was telling me how his dog must have found some nasty liquid shit in the woods, proceeded to slurp it up, then came back up to the house and got it all over him and his furniture.

To this day I don’t think he knows it was mine.