So I was with friends on a roadtrip through Bosnia Herzogovina and Croatia. I ate a bad chicken burger in Bosnia for Lunch, we arrived on a camping site near Dubrovnik at Dinner. I had severe stomach aches, but since I’m mildly lactose intolerant, I just assumed that something I ate contained milk, normally I’d then just have stomache ache for a few hours and the next day, everything is allright again.
Cut to the next day, I’m with my friends, feeling a lot better, just walking around the city and enjoying my life. So if you’ve never been to Dubrovnik, it has a beautiful old town, but since it’s so touristic, it almost looks like the set of a movie because there aren’t any people living there anymore, it’s like everything there either is a gift shop, AirBnB or a pretty expensive, posh restaurant. So we’re strolling around and finding ourselves in some small alleys, rather far away from the touristic center when my stomache slowly starts to ache. I’m like whatever, we’ve been roadtripping for a few days and we didn’t eat the most healthy food, so I just thought my intestines wanted to express their opinions about my diet from the last couple days, no big deal, will be over in a few minutes. It’s getting noon and we find ourselves looking for a nice place to eat. We were all students and hadn’t got the largest amount of money, so we decide to leave the expensive old town and look for cheaper options in the larger area. We were looking at a place on tripadvisor and decide to check it out, even though it was rather far away from our current location. So we start to walk but suddenly, I felt like someone punched me in the stomache. The pain grows larger and larger with each step. Sweat starts running down my face, I slowly become more pale and pale. But I figured since we actually were pretty close to the restaurant, I figured I could make it there and destroy the bathroom of these poor, innocent people. My friends started worrying, but I told them I would be fine once we got there.
Few more steps up the hill and I think as you might have figured by now, closed. Completely shut down. Like, newspaper taped to the windows and a heavy lock dangeling from the front gate.
We were really far away from ANYTHING, houses and appartement buildings all around us and no sign of any restaurant, public restroom, anything. A little tear rolled down my cheak as my stomache made sounds like a marching band was practicing inside. I admitted the full amount of urgency to my friends. We found the nearest restaurant on google maps, like 1.5 km away. I’m drenched in sweat, walking crooked in pain down a steep hill. I still don’t know how I made it that far and I must have zoned out a few times, but somehow we got to the restaurant. It’s a really noble joint, not a lot of seats, right by the sea and by the looks of it, completely booked out. We were standing there, three young people, me looking like shit. Like a biggerpeace of shit than that what’s about to come out of me. Drenched in sweat, pale as the waiter’s cloak standing in front of us. He points to a sign: “Toilets only for customers!”
I just couldn’t wait anymore. If we had to turn around, something awful would happen. So we had to ask for a table. He hesitates, briefly talks to another waiter in croatian, looks at us with a kind of sour face and then proceeds to lead us through the whole restaurant to a hidden table on a smaller terrace, out of sight from everybody else in the restaurant. I just throw my backpack on my seat, run back and sprint to the toilet.
That toilet was the smallest toilet I had ever seen. It was a long, narrow room with sink and urinal and one single cabin at the very end. An older, japanese guy is standing at the urinal, glancing pretty confused towards the guy who just slammed the door open.
Since the room was so narrow, I couldn’t get around him. But I just couldn’t wait another second. Mumbling excuses, I had to squeeze behind him at the urinal, my private parts touching his butt. While he was peeing. I slam the door shut, ripping down my pants and let go. I never in my life felt such a relief. The poor old japanese man recieved not only the most private touches at a urinal in his life (I guess), but on top of that a preeetty loud concert of some nasty sounds. But at the moment, i couldn’t care less. A solid 15 min later, I finally leave, get together with my friends, down the soda they ordered for me and we all together left as soon as possible.
Sorry for any language and grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. And I now spent way too much time on a humiliating story about me, I just hope I bring two or three people a tiny amount of joy in these times.
Thanks for reading!
Just the other week. I’ve been having bad diarrhea and GI issues over the past month. I’d been out of work and was supposed to be my first day back. I had to go so bad I was running a tad late so I didn’t want to stop. I figured I could hold it till I got to work and clocked in. I was turning in to my job and thought I could let a tiny fart out to relieve some pressured. Well I ended up blasting out straight liquid shit and had call my boss and tell him. I turned around and went home for the day.
I was 15 years old visiting my cousins. We ate pizza hut which always makes me shit my brains out. There was a problem though. The house only had one bathroom and my cousin takes alond time in the bathroom. I was getting desperate. I did the first thing I could think of and go shit in his backyard. I wiped with some leaves I found. After I was able to actually wipe, I took my cousin to show him my creation, but it was gone. He doesn’t have dogs and I know I wasn’t hallucinating. We don’t know what happened to my poop.
Took my girlfriend and her five year old daughter tobmy family’s cabin. 12 hour drive filled with fast food and Cheetos. Five yeat old is swimming and suddenly has to shit. Luckily rest of the family is at the cabin not the lake. Five year old lays the biggest turd I’ve ever seen in a grassy area and has to wash her butt in the lake.
When I was out on some picnic at a park and the friggin public bathroom was being renovated.