Mini Guide

Consiglio: Compliment people (especially children) on their work ethic rather than their natural ability (personality).

Consiglio del giorno che ti può essere utile:

For example: don’t tell your kid “you’re really smart,” say instead “you must’ve studied hard for that test!” or similarly, don’t tell your friend “Wow! You’re really talented at playing basketball,” but say “Wow, you’ve must practice a lot!”

When you compliment people in the former way, you compliment their personality rather than their work ethic. This disillusions people that things work in binary. Either I’m good at this or I’m not.

If they are showered with personality compliments, then when an occasion arises that challenges them and they fail, then they believe “Oh, I’m not actually smart” or “I’m not good at basketball” And are likely to give up.

If you compliment people on their work ethic, however, you compliment them on their behavior rather than their personality. I’m this case, if they fail at something, it’s not likely they’ll think “I can’t do this” but rather “I didn’t work hard enough” and will continue to try but modify their behavior to be better (versus changing their personality which is harder to do mentally).

A side note: be careful not to compliment people’s work ethic as if it’s their personality trait.

Don’t say: “You sure are a hard worker, Jane.”
Say: “Gee, Jane, I didn’t know you work very hard.”

The first one describes the person.
The second one describes their behavior.

If your still confused: When in doubt, describe the verb(work ethic) not the noun(person).

Brought to you by a Gen-Z who was catered to think I was special when I should’ve been told I earned my labor.