Hey there guys, not a big poster but I'm pretty much out of ideas here.
So three days ago my girlfriend's(f27) cousin spotted me(m29) on tinder. This isn't the first time someone spotted me on tinder so I was kinda aware that there was someone impersonating me. My Facebook was hacked a few years back so I knew there was some leaked information. I tried a few things to get rid of it (contacting tinder, logging in using my Facebook account and deleting it immediately) but that never did it.
But now my girlfriends cousin tipped her parents. Her parents made a big show of it, came to her job, dragged her back and announced her that. She came to me angry and crying at why I would do that.
Now here's the deal. I knew about it. I mentioned it to her a few years back. Like “btw apparently I'm on tinder, people have come to me saying they saw a profile with my pics”. Kinda in passing, mostly because I was not exactly proud of “being on tinder”.
I explained to her that it was fake. That I already told her, but she doesn't really remember it and with all the emotions involved she doesn't know anymore.
Now I already tried getting rid of it. Didn't work. I've now deleted every account that belongs to Facebook.
Now problem is. I don't have a pretty good defense. I cannot prove to them (because her family is now convinced I'm a cheating asshole) that the account is fake except for showing I didn't have Tinder on my phone. For them, “it's all too convenient” or “that's exactly what a guilty person would say”. My girlfriend is now torn between wanting to believe me but knowing her family's more sceptical. Of course it's going to make things absolutely awkward.
The account is even really well made. Multiple photos. My occupation and location. But all things that are, or at least were, available on Facebook.
It feels like a “you have to believe me” situation where I'll never be able to clear up my reputation and my girlfriend's.
I'm also really hurt about how much her family kind of decided I was guilty. We've been together almost 10 years now. I thought they trusted me more.
It feels like I have very little control on the situation. It's complete bullshit that's destroying my relationship. What can I do?
If all else fails, catfish the profile and see if it’ll reply to you while you’re in front of your gf?
Do you have any records of the time your tried to delete it years ago?
Even something as simple as an auto reply email saying “we received your complaint”? Particularly of you contacting Tinder. All you need is one email about dated 2 years ago. Then you don’t have to rely on your GF’s memory.
That email then becomes easy proof of your story you could send her parents. (not that you need to prove it to her parents).
If you don’t have anything at all, Tinder will still have a record of your complaint. Getting that from them might take a lot of time talking to them.
If I were you, I would write a email to her parents (and that cousin) . Say something like, “while I appreciate your concern for your daughter, jumping to conclusions about my behavior without understanding what is going on only makes the situation worse. I have been dealing with a case of stolen identity for 2 years now. Here’s a copy of one of my email’s to Tinder from ___ months/years ago trying to get the account taken down. Unfortunately Tinder has very few safeguards against this”
A couple other ideas:
You could also make an account for her father. Say something like “it takes 5 minutes to make an account from someone and Tinder has no safeguards against it.” Then show the “father’s” account to her parents. “Just like this, someone made a fake account of me, now that you understand what happened to me, I’ll delete this one now”
You may be able to get the phone number linked to “your” account. Either through account recovery or by contacting twitter about it. Once you have the phone number you can do a phone number trace to figure out who has that phone and show it isn’t you.
Ask the cousin to catfish the guy. Meet him and show it isn’t you. (or have her get his phone number)
Or message the account from another account. If the person replies to you and your GF while you are in the room with her, it is obvious it is not you on the other end
If you do any of these make sure your girlfriend is involved in it.
Make a fake account and meet this person in real life.
Did you see Tinder’s FAQ on this? Did you follow the steps? Let your gf help you do this, if she wants. That may help convince her it isn’t you.
“The account is even really well made. Multiple photos. My occupation and location.”
Okay, somebody is either using your information to catfish people to get something specific out of them (which can get dangerous) or –someone you know is trying to impersonate you in order to cause you problems. The question is, which situation applies here? I bet it’s column B.
You might want to think about who would do that to you. If you find out it’s someone you know, then it’s harassment. You might be able to build a case against that person. Start keeping notes on this stuff.