Relazioni e amore

Husband [29M] of 2 years suddenly upset with me [28F] because I don’t make spaghetti

internetsuperfan ci racconta la sua esperienza:

Both my husband and I earn a considerable amount of money. I work in healthcare and he works in technology. We live very comfortably. However, we both grew up very poor. He more so than I until I ran away as a teen due to abuse and bounced from group homes to the street. We bonded over this. His early experiences made him, I think, a workaholic which I NEVER held against him! I was always very understanding and admired his work ethic. My first job was retail and I used to be a work horse as well but I suppose I've gotten a bit pampered and lazy. I admit that.

However, I have no debt, my car is paid off and I contribute 25% of my checks into our joint savings account. It's not like I'm slacking, or anything like that.

I guess I'll stop beating around the bush and get into it. I had made dinner the other night. It was Tuesday. Salmon, asparagus and a salad. Nothing too extravagant, I think, and my husband loves all of these foods. I could tell something was bothering him. He was very tense and brooding while eating. I asked him what was wrong and he blurted out, “why don't you ever make spaghetti?” He said it in a very ugly way which shocked me a bit because he never talks to me like that so I told him I would make some the next night. He said nothing.

Later on, again out of nowhere, he said my nails looked “bougie” and suggested I take them off, again, in an ugly way. They were $5 press ons from Walmart. I told him I wouldn't be doing that because I had just put them on but was open to suggestions next time. He blew up, hollering at me that I would always be trailer trash, I needed to stop acting uppity and ugly things along those lines. I started crying and he stormed off, slamming the door. He didn't come home that night.

I don't understand where this is all coming from. Literally out of nowhere. He's never talked like that to me before and I'm extremely hurt by his cruelty. When we first met, I admit, I was a lot less extra, didn't dress as nice or eat as well etc but he never said anything in 2 freaking years!! And then to show his behind like that. 🙁

Questions: Can anyone offer any insight? Has he resented me this whole time? Can we work past this? Is this marriage ending material? I'm so lost and confused.

TLDR Husband blew up at me because I don't make spaghetti and had “bougie” nails on. Called me trailer trash and stormed out.

EDIT so. We talked. He's cheating on me with a girl 10 years younger than him who works at Walmart. He said she reminds him of me when we first met…

Whoa. Clearly he has a bee in his bonnet. The problem is we could speculate all we want, but we can’t read his mind. When he calms down, sit him down and ask him what triggered that outburst. Also, ask him to apologize for his sudden anger and trailer trash comment. Remind him if something’s bothering him, that you’re his wife and he needs to speak to you calmly and kindly.

This isn’t about press on nails or salmon. Time to have an honest discussion about what’s going on because nobody gets away with behaving like that over fake nails.

Just read the update, I’m so sorry!! Unfortunately people can change in unimaginable ways and this behavior seems like exactly that. I wish you luck in navigating this, but ultimately it sounds like he is not worthy of you if he’s sneaking around, and there are plenty of other people in the world who will treat you with more respect

I’m so sorry to see your edit, but at least you know it wasn’t your fault now.

Cooking fish doesn’t make you bougie. Wearing press-ons doesn’t make you uppity or white trash. More importantly, a man who neither wears press-ons nor cooks fish has zero right to an opinion about either.

All the things that he attacked you for seem to me like the little things you do make yourself happy and feel like your day is special. You deserve those things! Someone who mocks you for your self care is someone who doesn’t support your wellness.

Marriage and infidelity is hard, so I’m sending much love and patience to you while you sort out the shock and your next steps. I personally hope you divorce him, though, because no man should call you both “wife” and “trash.”

I almost feel bad for barely legal Walmart girl, because your husband has a cruel streak.

This is something going on in his world you know nothing about

He has been demoted?

He has been introduced to someone else’s wife who is young, beautiful, and talented

He is going through a life crisis of being unhappy with his career choice

He hates his job

He hates the city you live in

He has met someone else, and isn’t cheating, but is unhappy he can’t cheat

There is something going on. It’s NOT about you.