Relazioni e amore

I am the first – and so far only one in my family to have a healthy weight, and they are telling me it’s not possible.

Gornalannie ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

My family has an issue with weight. Literally everyone in my direct family is overweight.

I've been fat, but after 4 years of work I am at a healthy weight. I would have expected my family to be happy and proud, but they're not. They are telling me that it is because I'm not eating properly. Me being happy about being at a healthy BMI, is a blast to their face because they are all overweight to obese.

I'm not even skinny at this point. Just at a healthy weight for the first time in my life, and still bordering being too heavy (still have some work to do to get to a mid range of healthy weight). They keep telling me it's not possible for someone of my “build” to have a healthy BMI, but that's just not true. Surely it's more easily for some people to keep in shape. I have to put in work, and turn down snacks and am aware I'll never be super skinny, as I know being in the lower parts of a healthy BMI will probably leave me looking like a bag of bones which is not my goal. I just want to be healthy.

It's like I'm slapping them in the face anytime they see me. They're constantly making comments about me being “too skinny”. My BMI is 24.9.. Anytime I see them they're eating chocolate, ice cream and all kind of unhealthy stuff. But no, it's only the genetics that keeps them fat.

I would love for them to see that they can do it and motivate them. I know they can do it too! But I'm not sure how to say that without coming off in a rude manner. I live quite some ways away so it's not like I could go visit them every few days to have a healthy meal together.

Any advice?

You won’t convince them. Trying to convince them or show them the way will be interpreted negatively by them (rubbing it in their face, fat shaming, etc.). If they’re ready for change they’ll come asking.

Until then, let them know rude comments disparaging the hard work and discipline you’ve built won’t be tolerated. You want to have a relationship with them, but if they’re going to project their own insecurities onto you and be mean then you’ll cut them off. Or if they give shit but can also take it in good humor (unlikely for people who lack self awareness) just dish it back.

It’s jealousy and denial.

If they admit that your weight loss is the result of hard, consistent work and determination, they have to admit that they’re obese because of the many poor choices they make every day.

My immediate family is the same way.

The question is what do you have the ability to change or control in the situation.

The answer is you control only yourself and your behavior.

You can tell them your concerns about their weight, their eating, and what they say to you.

Whether they change is up to them.

Congratulations on your weight loss and maintaining a healthy weight. You might need to limit your exposure to your on supporting family in order to maintain it

This is what obese people are like and why it’s so hard for children of obese families to break the cycle. As soon as someone goes against the collective eating habits and starts getting healthier, the others feel majorly threatened because it forces them to recognize that losing weight IS possible. And then THAT means that they’re stuck facing the truth that they’re destroying their bodies. It’s easier to just bury their heads in the sand, deny anything is wrong with them, and try to bring you back down to their level. You now represent everything they need to do to get their lives on track, but don’t want to put in the effort it requires. As I said…easier for them if they can tempt you into sabotaging yourself so they can say “see! told you it was impossible to not be obese!! so there’s no point in us trying to change anything either!” Completely delusional: major respect and congratulations to you for staying strong in the face of this.

That is a tough one. I find it amazing that you have gone against the tradition and all that, to go healthy; well done!
The obvious answer would to shame them, and explain that you got skinny, and so can they. But that’s rude.
I would say, show them some data which backs up your arguments (like, what a healthy BMI is etc) to show that you’re not a sack of bones.
I hope you won’t end up with them letting rule over your body.