I (F33) have a less-than-usual situation that I would appreciate others’ opinions on. It’s my MIL(F50’s). I’ve never especially liked her but always been civil and tried to be kind, regardless of how she behaves. My husband (M32, we’ve been married 3.5 years and known each other almost a decade) suffered a severe brain injury last year and it’s been pretty rough.
My MIL has caused lots of problems, but has barely done anything to help. She visited him lots when he was in a hospital 40 minutes away from her but only once once in five months when he went to a rehab hospital several hours away from her.
I traveled many hours both ways every week to see him in both places. She has started a GoFundMe, which has been essential in helping us pay some of his medical bills. But that’s been the extent of her help. She came up to visit a week ago and took him to visit his father (they are divorced) so I could get a break from the 24 hour a day caregiving I’ve been giving him (in addition to our toddler) since he was discharged two months ago. At the first hospital she fought me on being the prime contact/decision maker for the hospital as well as lying to me and helping her daughter sneak onto his transport to the next hospital without my knowledge. To be fair, my husband and had been having a lot of trouble over the year before his injury but had decided to patch things up and reconcile before the accident.
Now, she is full of “I know exactly what this is like”s and “this trip with him has given me PTSD” and how “financially drained” they are because of this (I’ve paid all of his medical bills and taken care of his changing insurance and addressing his significant debt) and telling me how I should be handling things, generally overlooking and dissing the care I have given him. To top it off, she has disrespected and cussed my mother, who has done SO much for the two of us, both during his hospital stays and since discharge.
All this to say that what I really want to do is cut off contact. She stresses me out and drives me crazy. My husband, however, has always been able to overlook her faults as a person and a mother and will certainly keep talking to her, especially now as he recovers from this brain injury.
Do I suck it up and let her drain my (very limited) energy with all her better-than-thou nonsense? Do I politely but firmly cut off contact on my end and let her bad-mouth me to everyone she can? She certainly would. Is there some middle ground I’m not seeing right now? I appreciate any advice right now. I’m worn out.