My boyfriend and I have been together for 1+ years. A couple of days ago, he told me that he's been thinking about things for a while and doesn't see himself settling down ever (no marriage, no kids). He'd previously said he wanted to settle down late – maybe in his mid 30s – and I was agreeable with that because it didn't seem that big of a deal.
This, however… I don't think I could be with someone and never get married, ever. I've always wanted to start a family of my own, and I view marriage as the ultimate level of commitment to each other. So I'm struggling to grasp this concept that maybe marriage isn't necessary, and neither are children. I can understand to a certain extent, but I don't think I'll ever stop hoping to get married.
My boyfriend says he doesn't want to drag me through the mud. We've been apart for more than a month now because of mandatory orders from the government that disallow us from meeting people outside of the family (I live with my parents). It's //at least// another two weeks before I can see him again, and I don't think I'll change my mind during this period of time.
I've been crying a lot and trying to act like things are normal. I love my boyfriend, but this is a difference that is hard to overcome. I could try pretend marriage doesn't matter to me, but it does and I don't know if he'll change his mind if I stick around (he himself said he might never change his mind). I've tried to persuade him/see if we could compromise, but there doesn't seem to be a solution to this.
I'm almost certain I want to break up with him, but I want to do it face to face if possible. Should I wait it out?
Tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't want to get married, I do. We are unable to meet each other for at least another 2 weeks. Should I wait it out to break up with him in person?
Edit: Thank you everyone for the comments – I've read almost all of them so far. I've decided to wait it out just a little more and think things through during this period of time. I know the situation isn't exactly the best right now, but since I've spent almost 2 years with him, I want to talk to him face to face and break up if need be.
Under normal circumstances I’d agree that you should tell him face-to-face, but times have changed. Dump him now so you can spend the next weeks working out your feelings.
If he doesn’t want children and you do, sorry but you should start trying to move on because your plans for the future are drastically different
Break up with him now rather than later
What you want out of life is incompatible with what he wants out of life. He doesn’t want to settle down. He doesn’t want the kind of life with you as you want with him. If you have to pretend that your true feelings don’t exist in order to continue a relationship with someone, you’re going to make yourself so miserable.
Sooner rather than later. Why prolong it? We aren’t living in normal times right now so not being able to do it face to face isn’t bad etiquette, it’s just not possible. You don’t want compatible things, it’s no one’s fault, no one is the bad guy. It just is what it is.
If a break up is what you want, lockdown is hard enough without having the looming emotional cloud of a breakup at the end of it! Rip off the bandaid and take the time during this lockdown to grieve your relationship.
whatever life looks like when we get back to ‘normal’ you’ll already be on the way to embracing new opportunities and relationships.
Also…if he’s throwing comments out like he doesn’t want to drag you through the mud…tbh that sounds like a break up is where he’s heading anyway, he’s just not being direct about it.