I’m sorry you’re going through this. You can still love someone even if the relationship is wrong for both of you. Deal breakers can’t and shouldn’t be ignored. By definition, there is no way to compromise (you can’t get half-married or have half a child).
No one’s wrong here. You can acknowledge that and still make the most compassionate choice. In situations like these, breaking up is a sign of respect for yourself and for the other person.
I don’t know if this helps, but he sounds very ready to break up, even though he hasn’t followed through on it. (When someone says things like “I don’t want to drag you through the mud” or “I don’t want to waste your time” or “You deserve better than me,” they’re set.)
You can wait if you want, but I think you both know the writing is on the wall. Waiting won’t change what you have to do. And if you don’t do it, he eventually will. It could be a week from now or a year. But he’s clear on what he doesn’t want, and he probably has some awareness that any attempts to give up marriage/kids on your part would result in deep resentment and insecurity. Vice versa is true for him.
The sooner you accept both partners can’t be their truest selves or live their best lives in this relationship, the sooner you can begin the grieving process and eventually move on.
Good luck with everything.
There are definitely many people who legitimately don’t want marriage and/or don’t want kids who go on to live happily, and in committed relationships (cohabiting), but there are also people who say this but actually mean they don’t want to marry or have kids with you
Either way, at this point it’s clear you’re on different paths in life and there’s no use waiting around and wasting your life hoping for him to change only for him not to. End it here and in time you’ll move on and find someone who wants the sames things as you and wants you.
If you’ve decided to break up, always do it as soon as possible, even if that means doing it over the phone, or facetime or something.
When we were having a really tough time, my boyfriend told me he was breaking up with me and he had decided to 6 weeks prior to him trying. We decided not to, and are doing much better, but I don’t think the fact that I spent 6 weeks worrying if we were ok with him telling me we were, making future plans with him and sleeping with him while he knew he was going to break up with me will ever stop hurting.
It is always kinder to do it sooner, even if you can’t do it in person.
Break up now. Why draw out the inevitable, it would just make the next few weeks more painful than they need to be. Break up, block him on everything and start moving on.
I never wanted to get married, until I met my now wife. So I think it’s safe to say that he’s not going to change his mind because you’re not “the one” for him.
As much as that sucks to hear, if you’ve already made your mind up on breaking up, I think it’s better to do it sooner rather than later. The UK is in a very strange place right now. Maybe schedule a video chat with him so at least there’s some level of connection rather than just over the phone or (this has happened to me) by email. Dragging it out until we are allowed to meet up again with friends and family out of our household will end up worse off for both of you, or could be mid June or even July. Take the weekend to think it over properly if you aren’t already set. Take care of yourself and stay safe.