I’m using a throwaway account because my friends are aware of my main account. For context, my boyfriend and I live in the CA, USA. I met “M” through one of my friends at a NYE party in 2019. We hit it off and exchanged numbers. At first I thought “M” and I would remain friends only. After knowing each other for a year, we both started to develop feelings for one another, which eventually led to a relationship.
Just to clarify, I turned 17 in January 2019 and turned 18 a few months ago. I always had issue with my parents growing up and M was always there for me. He supported me through everything. When I graduated HS, I moved out and started living with M. I cut contact with my parents and I don’t want to turn to them for anything anymore.
After sex, he’d throw away the condom in the trash can and he’d clean me up. It’s a small trash can in our bed room so I always dump it into the larger one on the kitchen. Anyway, I was emptying out the smaller one in the larger trash can. I’ve noticed there were tiny holes in the condom. Not just one or two but several. I’m no longer on birth control due to the side effects I’ve experienced. I haven’t been on it for a week. I’m not sure how long he’s been doing this and it’s scaring the shit out of me.
He’s all I have and I don’t want to lose him. I love him so much and he’s treated me better than my parents have. We’ve had issues in the past and it still goes on. Whenever I’m doing homework, he’d kiss my neck and touch me. I usually brush it off but he constantly tries to initiate sex, when I clearly don’t want it. I’m really small and light so it’s easy for him to pick me up and throw me into the bed. I’ve tried talking to him about this but he constantly disregards it. Even if I’m crying during sex, he’ll just get rougher. I feel so helpless and lost at this point.
TDLR: boyfriend poked holes in condoms.