Relazioni e amore

My (20M) cousin (12F) just lost her father, and I want to be a positive influence in her life that she can trust if anything happens.

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Last night, my 12 year old cousin lost her father in a tragic incident. Now, my extended family is really close and i'm extremely disheartened to know that she will grow up without a father. When I was younger, her father always took care of me and was a really great influence when I was older as well. Recently, I had a private problem that I approached him about and he helped me get through it while being very supportive and positive while also respecting my privacy and not telling my parents, which I was extremely grateful for.

As for my cousin, I am the cousin of the closest age to her, and because of how much her father helped me when I was younger, I feel like I should also help his daughter as much as possible. I want to build a stronger relationship with her. We are already kind of close, but with her father out of her life, I would like her to feel that I am someone she can trust and approach about any issue or problem that she is having, and play a similar role in her life as her father played in mine. How do I make sure that I am perceived as someone she can trust and not just some overbearing older cousin?


TLDR: cousin's father died, how can I be involved in her life and how should I approach bonding with her?

Hi, I’m 24F and my cousin is 15F. Her father was murdered by a stranger that followed him home last October.

I have been close to her family and now we’re even closer. The first thing was that the mother and her got counseling immediately. That was great.

She personally didn’t want to talk about her feelings with me. So I become more of a happy escape, a place where she could relax and not focus her energy on her grief. Once in a while, I will make blanket statements that explain that when she gets older and hits milestones and need someone to relate to, I’ll be there too for her,

Most of the time, we jam out together, do art, look up memes, watch tv, and get coffee together. I go over about every weekend or less.

She doesn’t know what she wants or needs yet. So just be available. She may not be able to communicate if she wants to hang out with you, so you could just say “want to come with me to this thing” or “that’s a cool hobby. Can you show me? Let’s get supplies together.”

I have heard that teenagers who experience loss may not feel the full weight of their grief until a major milestone so I’m building my relationship with her to make sure she has a support system when it does come crashing down.

Edit: I am also incredibly sorry for your loss. Please remember to allow yourself to grieve as well. I’m sure your entire family is grieving as mine did. Sometimes you have to be the rock for a while. If that’s the case, be sure to open up to your friends. Be Unafraid to grieve with your family as it helps both of you.

Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to.

I don’t have advice for your situation but you making this post says a lot about the person you are. She’s fortunate to have you. Sorry for your loss.

Yes, I think u/MyMillennialREI said everything necessary. I would just like to add, so so sorry for your loss.