I’m going to keep this short.
We went up to the mountains together because we couldn’t do anything for my birthday or our 4 year anniversary. I finally finished a few grad classes while working full time and I was very ready for a break.
He bought the Airbnb and we had planned to hike and hangout together on this trip. He’s an ultra runner and spends every second running, and I’m not exaggerating. Every morning and every day after work he runs. He barely spends any time with me, and it really sucks. He got into running 1.5 years ago, and has been non stop ever since. He’s currently training for a 100 mile marathon… I support him but every single trip and weekend revolves around his running and it sucks for me. The last few trips we’ve gone on have been for marathons. I am the Sherpa that meets him at aid stations to give him fresh socks or snacks.
I have tried to talk to him about this and he explodes, has even resorted to calling me selfish and a brat for ‘whining’ that we don’t spend much quality time together anymore.
Today I had a few things I really wanted to do. He woke up and ran in the morning, got home at 11am, and then spent 2 more hours eating and recovering from his FIRST run of the day. We went for a hike that he chose, because he got back too late to do the one I had been talking about for a month. Later, we planned to do a small hike at sunset, and he was very late because he needed to get 7 more miles in and decided to run to the trailhead. We missed the sunset.
I was pissed and I made that known. I want to do stuff together not alone! I can either do what I want alone or do what he wants and waste my vacation.
We’re arguing now and he told me my attitude disgusts him and that this is his vacation, too and he should do what he wants.
Every vacation and every weekend revolves around his running. I do not run, I actually hate running and always have. I love backpacking and hiking though, and if I suggest a trail, he’ll complain it’s not long enough or literally leave me in the dust to run ahead. I’m deeply sick of this. I do a lot of stuff alone lately. I had more conversation with the guy at the grocery store today than I did with my partner.
How do I do this? I am sitting here seriously questioning our relationship. Please help.
TLDR; my boyfriend is an ultra runner and spends every weekend and vacation running, and it sucks for me. He doesn’t understand why I would prefer to do things together since we don’t see one another during the week.