Relazioni e amore

My (33M) fiancé (30F) seems more happy about the diamond ring than the actual proposal and it messes up my head

Cocoasneeze ci racconta la sua esperienza:

A little background information before I continue. We were both raised in what most people would classify as a toxic environment, where you are judged by the size of your wallet rather than your heart, and human capabilities.

A while back my GF and I decided to get married, and I gave her a small diamond ring as this was the only thing I could afford at the time. I have a solid income, but I am not liquid at the moment so the ring, albeit cheap, were the best thing my money could buy.

Well – before the ceremony, she were basically bashing the ring for not being an “actual” ring with all the nice looking diamonds and such. You know, I guess, the ones with the larger diamonds in the multiples that looks more expensive than your average diamond ring.

She went on about how everyone were saying this was not even a real ring and that she deserves one that is as fancy as the rest. I was baffled, and caught off-guard. Granted, I know jackshit about rings, and really couldnt care less about them, as the important thing for me is respect, love and symbolisms.

Anyways, for the sake of her happiness, I went out got a decent looking ring which has all the features she were expecting and made a real proposal. She were looked really happy about the proposal, like genuinely happy.

I needed to leave for the restroom, and on my way back I saw the utter joy in her face as she were caressing the ring with an expression I have only seen in her face, when we were discussing the marriage ceremony. You know the expression, that expression of pure joy and happiness as if everything you wished had happened, happened.

Now, given the stuff happening up and until that point I cant but think that she loves the ring more than she loves the proposal, and the prospect of getting married. Please, shed some light on the issue for me – am I stupid for thinking that its the ring that brings the joy, and not me?

Obviously I have asked her about this, but she says its the symbolism of the ring that brings her joy. However, this just doesnt add up as the first ring should have had the same effect if it were true.

I should admit, though, that the first diamond ring were actually never used for a proposal as this ring got mixed up in a bunch of other gifts that were then given to her, without a fairytale proposal. So this might also be a factor.

She is, in general, not a very reflective person and really lacks the skills of communication properly. So I really have to specifically ask for how and what she feels, and therefore we never really talked about this in depth, and its not a topic I want to bring up and risk her being hurt.


My fiancé complained about her initial ring were too simple compared to everyone elses, so I got her a new ring which brought a real genuine happiness in her face. But now I cant shake off the feeling, that the ring were more important than the proposal and me.

In any case, am I am an idiot for thinking she is more into the ring, than the proposal and me?

Mate. You got a her a ring she didn’t really love because you didn’t put much thought into it. As a woman, the lack of thought is the bit that would sting me. However. You then recognised that this was important to her and bought her a new ring. Do you not realise how awesome that is? I can see why she’s over the moon! This is a ring she is planning to wear forever; of course it’s important that she loves it. Just enjoy this moment, you did good and she’s thrilled.

Dude, she’s just happy about the ring. Don’t overthink it. Just focus on getting married and being happy together.

The ring showed her you listen and pay attention to what she wants in a very real and concrete way.

That’s not nothing, that’s a lot. Many times something like wanting a fancy engagement ring or not being happy with a ring gets trivialised and dismissed. The receiver gets made to feel small and ungrateful and gets left with the feeling that her wants and needs are silly and irrelevant.

You didn’t do that. You bought her a new ring. She was listened to, her feelings were validated. Of course she loves the new ring. It’s a powerful symbol of your relationship working.

My girl made a big deal about wanting a “nice” ring before I ever proposed. She sort of has a fantasy for having the same special little diamond till we die, and I think lots of women do. You’re right to value the fact that she loves you and the union itself and blah blah, however you also just went and bought whatever, knowing “jack shit” about rings, not even bothering to do due diligence, or what your future wife might love. That is where you went wrong in my opinion. It took me like 3 months to settle on my wife’s ring.

Imagine your fiancée gave you a REALLY ugly sweater as a birthday gift, you truly hated it, even your colleagues joked about how ugly it is. You shove it at the back of your closet, never wanting to wear it again. Your fiancée sees the shirt, you explain how it’s just ugly. This upsets her, and she demands you to wear it every day for the rest of your life, or you’re not showing appreciation to her thoughtful gift. And you’re materialistic and shallow too, according to her. Then she buys you another, much nicer and better quality shirt, one you actually like. And you show your appreciation and happiness with this shirt.

The same with rings. Just because they’re all shiny and made of glittery stuff doesn’t mean they’re pretty or to your fiancée’s taste. She’s the one having to wear the ring hopefully happily for the rest of your lives. The ring has to be one she likes, that matches her tastes and one she wants to wear. And you got her one she likes, so you did good. It’s a win win.