Relazioni e amore

My (45F) partner (37F) threw out my stuffed animal. Am I overreacting?

jennyanyanyanyanydot ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

We've known each other for over ten years and been together for 3.

I had a daughter in 2013 who died of cancer before she turned a year old. My life sort of fell apart after that due to leaving an abusive relationship, and the ONLY THING of hers I have left is her stuffed cow.

I have slept with it every night since she passed away. A few weeks ago my partner expressed that she felt it was weird that the stuffed animal was in the bed with us, so I put her up on the headboard. She knows whose stuffed animal it is and knows why I have it and she seemed fine with it.

I came home this afternoon to find out that she took the stuffed animal to Goodwill along with some other things. She said she didn't feel like it was healthy that I was holding onto it and decided to give it away.

I am furious. devastated. I'm so angry that I left the house and I'm seriously thinking of ending the relationship. I know it's “just” a stuffed toy but it's literally the only thing I have left of her.

Is this an overreaction or is what she did as not ok as I think it is.

This is devastating. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is definitely not okay and crosses boundaries. You changed how you were using the stuffed animal at her request and that should have been enough for her. I would have a serious talk with her. This would be a relationship ender for me but everyone is different.

Also, maybe you’ll be able to call Goodwill and ask them to put it aside for you. I’m sure they get a lot of “oops, didn’t mean to toss that in the bag” phone calls.

Oh my God.

I was ready to come in here and tell you to let it go with that title but this turned out to be one of the most atrocious things I’ve ever read.

Oh my God I am so, so sorry she is so controlling that she feels it’s up to HER to decide when you’re done grieving a child. Jesus.

Good God. Please leave or DEMAND she see a therapist. And please call the good will and let them know what happened and your story. You deserve to keep this memory for the rest of your life.

That is NOT okay. This would be a relationship ender for me. She does not respect your feelings or needs and seems to have the desire to take matters into her own hands without accounting for you.

Please call goodwill and explain what happened. See if someone will pull your baby aside for you to pick up. I am heartbroken for you and so, so sorry.

This is horrible. Call Goodwill. Hopefully they’ll be able to help you. Then you may need to rethink this relationship.

Her actions were thoughtless, cruel, and, most of all presumptuous. Unless she has extensive training as a psychotherapist, she had no right to diagnose your attachment to the stuffed animal as unhealthy. And anyway it wasn’t the animal itself that matters, but rather, what it symbolized and represented—a tangible memory of your lost daughter. Perhaps she honestly thought she was doing something in your best interest; and maybe she deserves the benefit of the doubt. But it sounds more like she’s threatened by the strong emotions of your previous life, and is trying to erase all signs of that life. I’m so sorry for all the losses you’ve had to endure, including this one.