Relazioni e amore

My boyfriend disappeared

otter_rumpus ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

So I'm[F25] 3 months pregnant & today my boyfriend[M24] was having a few drinks with his family. He came home, we went for a walk. I was a bit upset, he asked what was wrong. I told him I'm just scared and overwhelmed right now about having another baby and it's only hitting me now. He kinda ignored me. Then we had a little disagreement because he promised me he would drink less (I suffered from alcoholism before pregnancy and I'm finding it very hard him drinking around me all of the time). Also his ex whom he has kids with found out I'm pregnant today & was going crazy at him. Anyway by the time we were home we were cool again & laughing & joking together.

A few minutes later he said 'I'll be back in 5 minutes'. I asked where he was going he said just meeting his friend to give him money he owes. I said please don't be long as he knows I'm very nervous being home alone at night after a recent break in that happened. He said no babe I'll be five minutes don't worry. That was 10 hours ago. He won't pick up the phone or contact me, he has been online on messenger almost constantly. I am so upset & confused. He won't respond to any of my messages & I am worried sick & so confused as to where he's gone, why he's ignoring me. I'm so anxious.

First I was wondering if he was safe, dead or alive, then infidelity came into my head & now I just don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

I've been up all night crying. I don't know why he won't text back or call.

I’m so sorry OP. Based on your post history, in which you stated he has done this kind of “disappearance” thing several times before, it’s very, very likely he is intentionally ignoring you and is just fine.

I’m really concerned about your relationship given some of the things you’ve shared previously – he slept with a sex worker as a way of punishing you for texting a male friend, made you stop texting any men, tells you that you’re controlling, has substance abuse issues, and blamed you for his decision to text his ex.

This sounds like an abusive relationship and unfortunately, abuse often escalates with pregnancy.

I’m linking two safety plans below for domestic abuse and pregnancy, if you decide to continue forward with having a child.

This safety plan has information about staying physically, financially, and emotionally safe during pregnancy while in an abusive relationship.

And this safety plan has strategies for having a safe childbirth while in an abusive relationship or after having left.

At those links you’ll notice a live chat button at the top and a phone number (1−800−799−7233). This is for the National Domestic Violence Hotline and you can chat or call an advocate 24/7 for assistance with safety planning, emotional support, and leaving if that is what you choose to do.

If you are not in the US, Hot Peach Pages has a list of every country’s domestic abuse agency.

I believe that u/acynicalwitch also once shared the resource All-Options, which is a talkline for individuals to speak with a volunteer advocate about their pregnancy options and receive peer counseling. All options and decisions regarding pregnancy are respected and welcomed there. or call 1-888-493-0092 from the US or Canada, if that is applicable to you. They are available daily, though not quite 24/7.

After reading your stuff, apparently this is a trend. He says he’ll go out for 20 minutes and be gone for 2 days with no response. He uses drugs and won’t get a job. Is controlling of you. These are all MAJOR deal breakers. You need to have that dude out of the house ASAP.

I know it’s hard to leave an abusive relationship but this is no longer about you. You are going to have a child and if that child is raised in these conditions it’s either going to take after him or learn that behavior like that is okay. Please please please don’t punish a child by staying in the situation! Please OP if you can’t leave for you, leave for your kid!!

Is your bf a drug user?

I ask, bc the “bringing money I owed to a friend” thing sounds like a pickup. Any chance he’s strung out on a bender somewhere?

And I’m sorry, OP, but if that’s the case, it’s probably in your and your child’s best interest to bail. Find an exit strategy and a safe place to live. Fill your life with people who respect your boundaries and feelings.

I know that’s easier said than done, but you deserve better OP, you really do.

His baby mama flipped and he’s gone for 10hrs? Check her house