Relazioni e amore

My boyfriend doesn’t want to speak to me while I’m on my period

BlueBirdOcean ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

So a few years ago, I was diagnosed with Premenstrual Disphoric Disorder (PMDD) which for those of you who don't know is like a really extreme form of PMS. Aside from the unbearable pain that leaves me curled up in a crying ball, my mental health takes a huge downward spiral and it is crippling for around a week.

I have been depressed and struggle with anxiety so I can only describe it as suddenly being plunged into severe depression: I feel get mood swings, anxiety, feel incredibly low, numb, hopeless, irritable, tearful and feel like life isn't worth living and people would be better off without me. It's no party. The symptoms usually go a few days into my period and I start to feel like a normal person again but it was a hell that I learned to fear every month. It would completely ruin my life for a week or so each month. I would feel immensely guilty for the person that I became when this happened because I'm just not myself and can't function like a normal person.

I was finally diagnosed with PMDD which was a huge relief because I knew that what I experienced wasn't the norm so it was great to finally understand it. I was advised to take the combined contraceptive pill continuously with no 7 day break to avoid having periods altogether. I was told that it is completely safe to do so but I might get breakthrough bleeding so when that happens, I should take a short break and re-start after 7 days. No period? No PMDD! Amazing!

I have recently started to bleed so said to my SO that I will need to stop taking my pill for a week. He immediately said that we need a plan and said that he thinks it's best that he stops speaking to me if I stop taking my pill and we can resume contact when I come off my period because he won't like who I am when I'm on my period.

I completely understand that it can't be nice going from having a sweet and loving girlfriend to having a sad, crying, irritable and low one and he shouldn't have to deal with that but I can't help but feel a bit upset by the fact that he wants no contact – It feels quite cold. I feel like I'm some weird monster that needs to be temporarily banished while I have my period.

My SO sees it differently and said that he needs to make sure his own mental health doesn't wobble as a result of my mood so it's better to not speak until my period has finished. Of course I care about his mental wellbeing and don't want my mental health to have a detrimental effect on him so should I just respect that that is for the best here?

Thanks for reading!


So a few of people have just assumed and concluded that this means I verbally abuse and attack my SO. I didn't know that I needed to clarify that but that is absolutely not the case! I love and respect my SO dearly and would never do anything to hurt him.

He suffers from anxiety and depression so we have been through a lot with his mental health which can be tough but I always do what I can to help and support him with that but unfortunately, we both know that this will not be one of those times.

Oof, I understand both sides of this. I also have PMDD and I do turn into a total monster when it strikes and I am not undergoing treatment for it. I know for a fact that I alienate the people I love when I’m like that, and it definitely takes a pretty heavy toll on them. I can’t really blame your bf for being scared of that, because it does impact him quite strongly. That said, I think his knee jerk reaction was rather insensitive. I totally understand his fears, but this isn’t a walk in the park for you either. Honestly, coming up with a plan sounds like a good idea. Not talking to you entirely does not sound like a good idea.

I would maybe approach him and explain that him not wanting to talk to you hurts, but that you also understand how hard it is when your PMDD strikes. Maybe the two of you can come up with a game plan together to get through this. Maybe you can come up with a nonverbal signal or set of signals that mean “leave me alone”, or “I need a hug”. Maybe you can have some movies and comfort food on standby to get you through. I don’t know what it would look like exactly, but I think you get the idea.

Edit: also look into anti-depressants. Some people with PMDD will take anti-depressants the week before and during their period. Works wonders!

Hi obgyn nurse here, not related to your relationship problem but I had to say…there is no reason to stop taking pills when you get breakthrough bleeding. Just keep taking them, same time every day. Eventually your body will get used to the hormones and the breakthrough bleeding will subside but it can take awhile, and you can try different pills if it gets annoying. Do a quick google of breakthrough bleeding on continuous birth control, you will see all the advice to keep taking them. You should talk to your doctor again or maybe get a second opinion 🙂

Shit, I see other sides of this.

Being horribly depressed sucks. Being around someone horribly depressed sucks. But, the one thing that is bothering me is what if you 2 end up getting married? Will he always want to go no contact when you have your breakthrough bleeding? Giving a bit a space is fine when someone is feeling down, but a full week of 0 interaction?! That isn’t healthy.

Maybe you guys can work on opening the lines of communication as to what you both need to remain close but not overly influenced by the other during these times.

He did stay with your during your untreated crises, but after the crisis ended, he probably took stock of his own mental health and realized it took a big hit being a caretaker.

I think you both would benefit from couples counseling, so that you still feel supported and he feels like his mental health is being safeguarded too.

When you enter your cycle, do you verbally attack him? I mean, if you came down cursing up a storm, being verbally assaulting, then I perhaps would understand why he would want to avoid you. HOWEVER, if you get depressed, down on the dumps and express your pain, then I agree with your sentiment of being cold!

Edit: to finish my comment with advice, communicate! When you are not on your cycle, explain and talk it out. Say “babe, check it out, this how my shit goes down and this is what I would like your moral support to look like”. Planning it out is not a bad way to manage a TEAM EFFORT on taking care of the changes at hand!