Relazioni e amore

My husband cut off his father because of me

FormalRaspberry9 ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

My husband decided that he no longer wants his dad in his life.
They’ve never seen eye to eye in anything, especially after his mother passed.
Last week my husband and FIL got into politics and my FIL said something ridiculously racist. I won’t repeat what he said but what he said sounds like it was premeditated. He went on a racist rant about a specific ethnic/country group. I am from that country. It’s a small island of 30 people. So it was very, very specific.
My husband’s cut him off and told him he’ll never meet his grandkids.
I feel guilty.. I feel bad that this is my husband’s first experience where racism directly affects him.
I also can’t live with myself if he cuts him off because of me. Am I crazy?
Everyone on his side told him “You’re overreacting and it was just a stupid comment” .. But it wasn’t just a stupid comment.
I told my husband he has to come to terms that they’ll never see eye to and and that they’re two different people.
I’m torn.. a big part of me is proud of him for standing up for me and our future children but the other part feels like I’m to blame to their relationship failing this time.

You are not to blame, the FIL is, and your husband showed his bravery by standing up for you and himself. Maybe you were even the catalyst to your husband doing something he’s wanted to do his whole life.

> They’ve never seen eye to eye in anything,

after not agreeing on anything he decides to be racist towards the woman his son loves most in this world. I think your husband did the right thing, you or your future kids should never be exposed to FIL racism. He cut him out because he cares about you and the relationship you have. It seems their relationship was already awful for a long, long time.

Do not feel guilty, his father said something he knew would upset your husband and you. Do you want such a person in your future kids’ life?

You’re not to blame, the FIL is.

Too many people just let racists spew their hate without calling them out on it. All the FIL needed to do was apologise and admit his views were wrong.

Good on your husband for standing up for you. I never understood people that bad mouth their SO, or let others bad mouth them.

Be clear: this isn’t because of you. This was just the final straw for your husband.

Seems this has been a long time coming. They’ve never gotten along. And it seems that till this point your husband put up with it because he wanted to humour the family.

But then your FIL went out of his way to not only be racist, but to attack his son’s wife.

And that was it. Your husband was finally done. It wasn’t just him, he now dragged you into it and yeah, I can see where he is coming from. Your FIL was being outright malicious and was clearly going out of his way to be hurtful.

So don’t take it personally. Your husband has chosen the happiness of his wife and future children over putting up with the crap of his toxic father and enabler family.

Just because they’re family, doesn’t mean they aren’t toxic. There is no obligation to keep family in your life!