ThrowRA – My fiancé and I were in the process of getting a new apartment, and her brother and a mutual friend were there to help. All of a sudden, she shows up with a big roll of magnum condoms and asks our friend if he’d like to have them. She goes on to tell us that she doesn’t need them any more because they were left over from a guy she used to hang out with/sleep with.
For me, it created an awkward situation that continues to bother me. Is it weird that she would be so transparent about details of her sexual past with her brother and our friend, and also to insinuate that I have a smaller dick than the guy she used to sleeping with? I know as adults we all have personal lives and sexual histories, I’m ok with that. But was it respectful to me for her to have shared it like that? Is this something that would bother you, or should I just work on letting it go?
Edit: thanks for all the comments. It feels so validating to read them.
To answer a couple of the questions that keep coming up.
1. My partner is now on the pill, we do not use condoms. 2. I don’t think she literally knows our friends dick size, but he is about 6’ 3” with a husky build, so it would make sense. 3. So this happened a while ago. Later that evening, I did tell her that it had made me uncomfortable, and I didn’t like the information that was shared. I kept it about myself and my feelings, while not attacking her or her sexual past. She basically told me that it’s nothing to get upset over and that I shouldn’t feel bad, but that she didn’t make a mistake and doesn’t regret it. That conversation gave me a negative feeling in my stomach that I’ve been carrying to this day. I guess that’s why I wanted to get a broader perspective on the whole issue.
Omg, this is so awkward. Mostly cause of all the people around.
If it makes you feel any better, if I was part of this little group watching, I would just assume you didn’t need the condoms because y’all are getting married so she’s probably on BC.
If I was your brother I’d honestly just assume you were hitting it raw, if that helps with the embarrassment aspect any.
… How long have you guys been together if she has condoms from a previous relationship that aren’t yet expired? If they are expired, they should have simply been tossed.
EDIT: Apparently I’m just dumb, I thought condoms expired after a year. TIL.
The situation that you described will literally never come up again. So I don’t know how you say “when you’re giving away condoms, don’t say they were for an ex, it’s disrespectful”.
People aren’t always going to think through the implications of everything they say, if she isn’t always insulting the size of your junk in public then you should assume that she didn’t mean to. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is a key part of a relationship.
If you want to talk about it because of how much it is affecting you then I think you should. But I think the discussion should be framed around your insecurity, not her disrespect. She didn’t say anything about you or your penis at all.
Again, unless she is always making jokes about your junk, then it was probably intentionally done and you’re leaving out a bunch of information on her tone. Or unless you think she talks about the size of your penis with her friend and brother, that would definitely be disrespectful.
>but he is about 6’ 3” with a husky build, so it would make sense.
height doesn’t correlate lol