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My mom always discredits my accomplishments and I don’t know what to do anymore.

CurtisJay5455 ci racconta la sua esperienza:

I (F21) just lost almost 40lbs during lockdown, meaning no one saw me in almost 3 months. A friend of my mom came to our house to drop something off and she complimented me on my weight loss and asked me what I did to lose the weight. My mom chimed in immediately saying “(my sisters name) also started losing weight! She barely ate anything today”.

A week pass and my aunt asked if she can come drink a coffee at our place, I haven't seen her in the 3 months either. She complimented me on my weight loss also, and my mom said “you'll eventually lose weight when you stay in bed the whole day. She and her sister are both on a diet.”

I got really mad at her at this point. My sister is the favorite child, first academically in her grade, got valedictorian, author of the school's news paper and a bunch of other stuff, while I was just the weird, black sheep artsy kid in the family. My sister is not actively losing weight, and my mother can't stand someone complimenting me without complimenting her favorite child.

I burst out asking her why she always have to turn complements about me around to my sister. And I also told my aunt I'm actually eating healthy and exercising, not like my mom is saying I'm sleeping all day not eating.

TL;DR: mom always turns other people's compliments about me into compliments about my sister

First of all, congrats on your weight loss! Proud of you
Secondly, it sucks being the not so golden child, believe me I know. One of my sisters is a doctor and the other is a fitness model but when your mom makes these comments, try to gently correct her while still staying positive. Almost like a kill em with kindness thing. For example, when your aunt complimented you and your mom jumped in, a gentle redirection of “well actually (aunt), I’ve been maintaining my weight loss through exercise and healthy eating.”

Just know that you should be proud and clap for damn self and validation from your mom isn’t important. It may even be worth seeking counseling or therapy to address these feelings and/or your relationship with your mother.

Keep being awesome!

Your mom’s a jerk. Keep standing up for yourself to her and setting her straight, especially in front of other people. She’s probably used to treating you like crap since you’re not the golden child, so handling her meanness discreetly won’t work. Maybe if you shame her enough in front of other people she’ll stop being so rude to you. Good job on the weight loss!

I’m really sorry. I can totally empathize!! Great job on the weight loss!