His dad cheated on his mom with the 16 year old babysitter.
His grandma married two different pedophiles. (One that molested his sister)
His little (6-12 year old) siblings lived with a pedophile because his dad(50m) impregnated a woman(30f) who’s step dad is a pedofile, and he had nowhere else to live with the kids. (They are out of there now)
His mom was raped by uncle “El”…a man I have been around so many times and was just informed in the last 6 months that he raped my boyfriends mom. And she had allowed her kids to grow up around him as their uncle.
Yesterday I was around their uncle Dave(70M).. I’ve been around him a handful of times..and I was just informed during a heart to heart with boyfriends mom that he grabbed a little girls butt (his step granddaughter 10 years old) while they were wrestling. His mom told me that he’s a “good Christian man” so he didn’t lie, and admitted to the police that he got an errection.
Even my boyfriend dated a 15 year old while he was 19.
I really needed to type all that out..wow. What is my life. I was raised in a really amazing family, best dad ever..stand up man type stuff. Well, today I told bf that I am disgusted in him for calling that man uncle and allowing me to be around such trash. He knows I want a child in the next couple years, and I told him if that happened we would move to the other side of the state where my family lives. He got all mad at me yelling and acting out..I swear I kept my cool, it wasn’t worth fighting over anymore. He tricks me into going in and talking to his mom about the issue I have with his family. He said he would do the talking(reluctantly, while still half way yelling at me). Well of course it was his mom and him yelling at me, pedo-splaining the issues and me finally having balls to tell his mom it’s disgusting, even tho she said “uncle Dave isn’t really a pedophile, he took a plea bargain” ?
Can I get just a response…I feel so alone and freaked or right now. Im in a town where I know nobody besides his family and friends. Of course I’m the bad guy here..am I the bad guy?? Been together 4 years and my whole world is about to crumble.
I think you need to leave the relationship. If your boyfriend refuses to talk about it and would rather side with a family that has a long history of sexual abuse I don’t think it’s worth it to be with him. Honestly I would be worried that he would molest your child, or someone from his family would if you had one. If that did happen he would most likely train to explain it away again. These are huge red flags and if he won’t talk and understand your side of the situation (and maybe get himself some therapy) then you need to leave him.
I think it is time to get real. Part of wanting to start a family is that he is going to insist that you and the kid interact with his extended family and… yeah. I would have serious hesitations given not only is it prevalent but it seems they are all unwittingly enablers of it as well.
That is sidestepping how he chose to handle this. He had that meltdown at you. I mean, let’s just pretend that his family isn’t a giant vat of toxic sludge that he is asking you to bathe your future child in. Let’s pretend they are super nice. Is him going into meltdown like that really a great sign? Is this the dynamic you want with the kid around?
Honestly, in a lot of ways this has been on borrowed time. You had to stop and have the Hard Conversation eventually and he has chosen to support the family and everything that comes with that, as well as everything it is likely to cost him. You are just one of the things he will lose as a result of them.
His family is full of pedophiles. Hes a pedophile. Why the fuck are you even dating him? Please respect yourself and their victims and leave him.
Not your circus not your monkeys.
Not your trauma, not your problem to fix.
Cannot help someone who will not admit they have a problem.
I would suggest leaving him and do not let him guilt trip you into staying.
His mom is warning you not to make her mistakes