I don’t think I have much of a relationship with my parents at this point but I’m hoping to see what can be done if there is anything to be done
I (20F), last year, had an attempt on my life which my parents blamed on my boyfriend now fiancé. I admit I’m not a perfect daughter especially with my parents’ very conservative views. I live in the Philippines.
I do not know how they came ahold of my sensitive pictures (they took my phone as punishment for trying to kill myself and having a boyfriend) so they probably hacked it and went through my personal accounts and their messages. As I was just recovering, they used my nudes to shame me, my fiancé, and my relationship, to my fiancé’s parents and others saying that they found it randomly open in a phone. (Private convos like that are not just randomly opened.) This was an attempt to make me break up with my boyfriend because they really didn’t want me having a relationship and they blamed all my problems on him.
Just the other day, I happened to come across my mother’s phone to find my pictures and private conversations still saved in an album in her gallery. I wanted to delete them myself then and there but I would probably have gotten caught, so I just froze and am relapsing badly right now.
I tried r/legaladvice to see if I can legally do anything because I’m not confident me just talking to them alone would do anything. They would probably threaten me with my private messages and pictures again, and I don’t want that.
I am fully dependent on my parents for everything but my fiancé’s family would accept me if I were to move in with them, but this is really a long shot. Take note that this is because of our culture, and my parents refused to teach me anything that can make me independent. (I don’t have a job, I can’t drive, etc.)
Is there anything I can do? All advice I’ve ever gotten is “you have no choice, they’re your parents” or “finish school and get a job and find work” but I can’t put up with that if they just hang my private messages and pictures over my head to control me. I am honestly very distraught right now. I am hoping anyone can help or offer anything?
Wipe their phones. Its doubtful they have multiple backups all over the place. Start working on your independence.
Call their bluff. “Go ahead, distribute the pictures. I’m sure all of these people will have a great opinion of someone distributing pornography of their daughter’.
If your parents have the conservative values they say they have, they’re just empty threats. They’re not going to want anyone to know about those pictures any more than you do.
Morally speaking, it’s oviously awful of your parents to invade your privacy and use it to control you. Legally speaking though, it really depends on philippino laws. Namely, I don’t know how easy it would be to subpoena your parents’ phones without solid proof, and how you would be treated by the police and legal system in the process.
At the same time, while moving in with your fiancé’s parents may sound like a good idea, to me it also sounds like you’re jumping from the frying pen into the fire. From one overwhelming environment to the other. From being dependant on your parents to being dependant on your fiancé + inlaws.
It’s hard for me to agree that “finish school, get a job” is the best course of action, but I can’t see how that is not true. You need some form of independence in order to make your own decisions, and in order to have something to fall back on if things go wrong. What if you move in with your fiancé and things go bad? If you still have no job or money, you’ll be forced to go back to your parents, should they accept.
A part of me also wants to tell you to straight up delete the photos from your parents’ phone, but that can put you in danger aswell (what if they kick you to the streets?). Immediatly speaking though, I’d move all conversations and photos that you have on your phone to a secure, password-protected place (like an online service), and never use it again for compromising things until you can find your own place to live. The goal now is to protect yourself from harm, and to secure your independence and autonomy as soon as possible.
You could always a delete a few things on their phone (and permanently delete in the deleted files) and then set it up for a software update for them to notice and blame it on the the update if they ever ask about it? That way they’re never like “I lost the photos of the private conversation” but “damn, I lost twenty random photos and that happened to be some of them”
Seems convoluted but if you’re dependent on them and don’t want to cause trouble it may be easy (outside of revenge porn legal avenues)
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
USA: 18002738255
US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME
United Kingdom: 116 123
Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860)
Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines