ThrowRA because this is a fucked up situation and I’m feeling extremely guilty and like I’ve caused a lot of pain for everyone here.
When my bf was 14 he was in a ‘relationship’ (probably groomed) and slept with an older woman (29). She says he lied about his age, his mum says she showed 29YO his passport, he says she knew his age. I’m sure there’s truth in all of it somewhere. He told me all this when we first met.
Anyway, according to my bf this woman fell pregnant twice. The first time resulted in a miscarriage and the second was a full term pregnancy which led to the birth of a baby girl when he was then 15. When the baby was born she took her round to his sisters for him to see the baby. He, at 15 wasn’t ready to see the baby and didn’t want to so ended up going back to his home country for a few years then came back.
Boyfriend is now older, wiser and he says he thinks about the little girl now age 7, often. When we talk about it he says he wants to see her but doesn’t know what to do. He always asks me what I think he should do? Queue me possibly fucking up….
With lockdown on and my boyfriend working I have been extremely bored and lonely.Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to trace this woman down and see if she had any pictures of the little girl. It took about 3 days to find. I saved some pictures and showed them to my boyfriend.
FYI I didn’t contact the woman at all.
He was so happy. He said the child was beautiful and he really wants to meet her. He showed his family these pictures and they were all gushing over how sweet she was. He asked his family what to do and they all said he needs to either be “all in or out”. He says he feels ready now to see the child.
He asked his sister to contact the woman now 36YO or so as she knew her so I sent over the details. She blocked her. His other sister contacted her too. Blocked again. He contacted her from his Facebook account and she told him to stay away etc etc she was a happy child and he has no right. She said the child will be able to choose what she wants to do when she is older. He is pretty upset and I could see how hurt he was when he found out she blocked everyone. He told her she slept with him when he was 14 and it wasn’t going to look good if he was going to have to see a lawyer to see his child. He just wanted to do it amicably. However, She said he has been given several chancesand that he can’t ‘threaten’ her with the underage sex thing because she’s researched it? Even though it would probably come up in some way or another.
So my question is how do we go forward with this? Where do we even start? She is completely unwilling to talk amicably so that’s a no go. My boyfriend is upset and I only wanted to bring him happiness. Although, he’s adamant he wants to see this child. I also feel guilty for looking out these pictures/details.
FYI We’re in U.K.