Relazioni e amore

[UPDATE] I (26m) found out my father (54m) sexually assaulted my gf(24f)

topnotchtekjv ci racconta la sua esperienza amorosa:

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So this is how things have played out. I decided to speak to my gf about it and she started crying and handed me her messages to read. I pretended I hadn't seen them because she gave me it anyways. We spoke a lot about it and in the end I told her I wont be mad if she decides to press charges. She also asked me to not speak to my father just yet because she wanted to talk to my mother.

We both eventually called my mom and spoke to my mom about it. My mom was really mad and went to speak to my father about it (while we were on call). He admitted to doing it and blamed his alcohol that he did it. (He has been an alcoholic all my life and would often blame his alcoholism on things).

My mother was obviously furious and kicked him out the house. She told him he is not allowed to come back to the house until he has been to rehab.

My girlfriend has decided not to press charges, (I've told her numerous times it's okay if she does) for now she wants to stay away from family events that he will be at, and she would like to cut contact with him. She says I dont have to, but I want to rather keep contact with just my mother. Maybe in future if he changes and if he sorts himself out, I'll get into contact.

Where are we now? My father is in rehab sorting out his addiction as well as seeing psychologists for his behavior. My girlfriend and I are going to counseling separately and together, she is also going for sleep therapy due to reoccurring nightmares of the trauma. (I feel so guilty that this has happened, if I had known my father was this bad I would have never left her alone with him). I am also paying for my mothers counseling.

I'm trying my best to help my mom and my girlfriend and I'm trying to give them the best possible support I can. I'm still trying to get over the shock and guilt though. Thanks for everyone's support and help. Hopefully this is the right path.

Hey. In the midst of taking care of your mom and your gf, please make some time and space to take care of yourself too. You sound like a very kind and caring person to those in your life. You need some of that energy yourself. This is a traumatic moment for you too, albeit in a different way than your gf or even your mom. Some TLC can go a long way. Best of luck, OP.

First off, I’d like to tell you that you’ve done a great job getting everyone into therapy. That’s a great first step. Keep supporting your girlfriend. I’d also like to point out that yes, your dad has issues with alcohol but he is also a rapist. Those are separate issues and it sounds like he’s blaming the alcohol and not taking accountability for his actions. Huge red flag. I would say given what he did, if you want this relationship to work I don’t see a way to have both your girlfriend and dad in your life, ever. Your dad will forever be a trigger to her. I mean he did the unforgivable. I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

PTSD survivor here. Nightmares of the abuse I endured lasted a few years before my doctor recommended I take Prazosin, and it helped if my stress was normal or low. THC also blocks nightmares, at least, that’s what I’ve found. YMMV.

That is great that you are supporting her and like someone else said make sure you are taking care of yourself as well, I’m sure it’s a lot to go through to find out your own father did something like that. I’m glad you are all in therapy and I wish you all the best.

“Hey dad, remember when you spanked me when I was a child and told me it was for my own good?” wraps tape around knuckles